Please help me with IELTS Writing Task 2

Question: Many people choose to travel abroad to learn a foreign language instead of studying in their hometown.

Do the advantages of learning a new language this way outweigh the disavantages?

My essay:

Learning a new language is an upward trend nowadays. While some people would choose to study in their country, there is a large group of people that decides to study abroad. In my opinion, the benefits of learning a foreign language in another country can outweigh any drawback.

On the one hand, traveling abroad to study a new language may have some disavantages. Firstly, it is expensive because living in a foreign country might cost many fees like tuition, accommodation etc. What is more, studying languages takes a lot of time, so it is going to cost a lot of money. However, there are not many people that can afford this. Furthermore, living away from family, friends and being in a new culture could make learners feel lonely and isolated which impacts on their mental health. Thus, the cons may interfere with the learning.

On the other hand, I believe that the bad influcences of studying a foreign language in another country pale in comparison with the advantages of this experience. In terms of money, the learners can find a job in order to afford the living expenses. That is not only providing money, but also giving opportunities to make new friends to help them feel the sense of belonging to a new culture. Morever, being in alien cultures helps people enrich their experiences which can not happen if they stay in their own country. In addition, studying like this can help the learners achieve greater fluency and shorten the progress. As a result, there are a lot of profits from this experience.

In conclusion, while studying a new language abroad might have some challenges such as adapting to a new culture or financial problems, those who can overcome these will gain many advantages of acquiring new experiences and great fluency of the language. Therefore, I believe that the pros of the experience more than make up for any cons.

Please help me to correct this essay and mark it if you can! Thank you!