Please help me with IELTS Writing Task 1

Question

Hello Admins/ Mods,Please help me with IELTS writing task 1. Thank you so much! ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________The table shows the proportion of expenditure on several items in Ireland, Italy, Spain, Sweden and Turkey in 2002. Overall, one category had higher worth in consumption than the others and the leading country had the largest consumers in two categories.With tobacco, eating and drinking, people in all five countries spent the largest amount and Turkey was the leading country with 32.14%, while Sweden was the lowest with almost half of that of Turkey. Ireland, Italy, Spain also had high consumption in the same items with 28.91%, 16.36% and 18.80% respectively.In fashion industry, Italy dominated this category with 9.00% in sales, while Sweden again had the least consumers among five countries, less than almost two times of the leading country. The rest of the nations did not spend much on clothing consumption either, only approximately 7.00%.Leisure and education were spent with the minimum amount in 2002 by five different countries. Despite being the highest in this category, Turkish consumer expenditure was only around 4.35%. Similarly, the other countries also paid poorly for these items, namely Sweden (3.22%), Italy (3.20%), Ireland (2.21%) and the lowest of all was Spain with only 1.98%.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The table shows the proportion of expenditure on several items (That is not good. It makes no sense. Several items might be a pair of gloves, a bag of chips and a tube of toothpaste. Be specific.) in Ireland, Italy, Spain, Sweden and Turkey in 2002. (The topic of the paragraph changed. Start a new paragraph when you have completed the general description of the table.)

Overall, one category (You never mentioned any categories. Poor coherence and cohesion.) had higher worth (That is not good English) in consumption (wrong word) than the others and the leading country had the largest consumers (A consumer is a person. "largest consumers" means that the people were taller or fatter. Is that what you mean?) in two categories. (You never mentioned any categories. Poor coherence and cohesion.)

~~With tobacco, eating and drinking,~~ (You did not mention this before. "with" is not good.) people in all five countries spent the largest ~~amount~~ percentage on the category "food/Drinks/Tobacco" and Turkey was the leading country with 32.14%, while Sweden was the lowest with almost half of that of Turkey. Ireland, Italy, Spain also had high consumption ~~in the same items~~ (The table does not list individual items, only categories of items.) with 28.91%, 16.36% and 18.80% respectively.

In fashion industry, (not good. Use the actual names of the table headings) Italy dominated (not a good verb here) this category with 9.00% in sales, (Incorrect reporting. It is not about sales of the fashion industry.) while Sweden again had the least consumers (The table does not show the number of people who purchase these items.) among five countries, (Which five countries? If you mean the five listed in the table, you must use "the" to tell the reader which countries you are referring to) less than almost two times (Two times is more, not less. For example, I paid $10 for a hamburger. My friend paid less than two times than me. She paid $19. ) of the leading country. The rest of the nations did not spend much on clothing consumption (wrong phrase, We consume food. We consume beverages. Consume means to eat or drink. We do not eat clothes.. ) either, only approximately 7.00%.

Leisure and education were spent (wrong verb phrase) with the minimum amount (There are no amounts in the table. An amount would be 450 dollars or 130 euros. ) in 2002 by five different countries. (Which five countries? "Different" means that they are countries not listed in the table.) Despite being the highest in this category, Turkish consumer expenditure was only around 4.35%. Similarly, the other countries also paid poorly for these items, (That means that they got discounts. The amounts that they paid are not in the table.) namely Sweden (3.22%), Italy (3.20%), Ireland (2.21%) and the lowest of all was Spain with only 1.98%.

Task 1 is very challenging.

You have a good start, but your cohesion and coherence is not good and you really need to learn some better vocabulary words specific to Task 1.

This task relates to spending money on goods and services, not selling things. And it is not actual amounts of money, but percentages of the total spending.

For example, people spend money on food, rent, transportation, clothes, school fees and other types of things.

If you add up all the different budget categories, you will get 100%. That is all of their spending. You can calculate the percentage of money allocated to each category.

This table does not list all the possible categories. There are only three. Accommodation, transportation and healthcare are not listed.

In my next post, I give you a sample essay for this task. You can study it to learn how to write Task 1 essays on a table. You can learn some expressions and vocabulary.

Please ask questions if you do not understand.

Please help me with IELTS Writing Task 1

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