Please help me to review my essay IELTS Academic task 1

Question

Topic: The table below describes the number of employees and factories in England and Wales from 1851 to 1901.  The table compares the number of workers and factories in two areas: UK and Wales over 50-year period between 1851 and 1901. Overall, it is clear that the number of total workers in 2 areas went down over the period, while the figure of factories saw a significantly increased.In 1851, the total number of staff was the biggest number, with 287.000 male staffs, 190.000 female staffs. In contrast, there was a lowest number of factories, with only 225. Another interesting point, the figure was significantly increased to 721 in 1881. Following this year, the number of total employees also fell roughly to 126,123 workers.In the end of the period, the number of total employees had the smallest figure, compared to other previous years, just 61,000 workers with respective figure of 31,000 male staffs and 30,000 female staffs. Meanwhile, the number of factories saw a falling trend, declining from 625 in 1891 to 600 in 1901.157 words.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Trang Vu 1992Topic: The table below describes the number...
Please help me to review my essay IELTS Academic task 1

If you start the review, I will assist you in doing it. But I can't assist you unless I see the table you are describing.

Note: Consider the difference in these two sentences:

1. Please help me to carry this heavy bag. -> You carry the bag, and I help.

2. Please carry this heavy bag. --> I carry the bag for you.

1. Please help me to review my essay. -> You review the essay and I help.

2. Please review my essay. -> I review the essay and give you feedback.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

The table compares the number of workers and factories in two areas: UK and Wales over the 50-year period between 1851 and 1901. ~~Overall, it is clear that the number of total workers in 2 areas went down over the period, while the figure of factories saw a significantly increased.~~

Here is the 3-paragraph scheme for Task 1:

In paragraph #1, describe the figure, but do not include any data values.
In paragraph #2, write two or three main points about the data values.
In paragraph #3, write more specific details.

To prepare for Paragraph #1, write noun phrases. Be complete.

1. table
2. table format: 5 columns, 6 rows
3. time range: 50 years, 1851-1901
4. time frequency: every 10 years / decade
5. male employees
6. female employees
7. total employees
8. number of factories
9. England and Wales

Next, include these noun phrases in sentences. You do not have to use all of them. Sometimes you can write one sentence, but sometimes you need 2 or 3. Here is my sentence.

The table gives the numbers of English and Welsh factories and their employees (male, female and total) for every ten years between 1851 and 1901.

Overall, ~~it is clear that~~ (" clear / evident / obvious" - These are opinion words. Do not write opinion words in Task 1. Your opinion is important in Task 2.) the number of total workers in 2 areas (What areas?) went down over the period, while the figure (wrong word. "Figure" in this context is a graph, chart, or illustration inserted into text.) of factories saw (Do not use anthropomorphic verbs - see, witness, experience in Task 1. These are not scientific / math words. ) a significantly increased.

In 1851, the total number of staff (wrong word. The table says "employees". "Workers" is OK.) was the biggest number, with 287.000 male staffs, 190.000 female staffs. In contrast, there was a lowest number of factories, with only 225. Another interesting point, ~~the figure was significantly~~ ~~increased~~ it more than tripled to 721 in 1881. Following this year, the number of total employees (What kind of employee is a total employee? Wrong word order. - the total number of employees ) also fell ~~roughly~~ to 126,123 ~~workers~~.

In the end of the period, the number of total employees had the smallest figure, compared to other previous years, just 61,000 workers with respective figure of 31,000 male staffs and 30,000 female staffs. Meanwhile, the number of factories saw a falling trend, (It is difficult to see any trends in a table. There aren't enough data points. See trends on a line graph. ) declining from 625 in 1891 to 600 in 1901.

Trends and fluctuations:

These graphs illustrate the vocabulary words "trend" and "fluctuation."

The graph below shows an increasing trend line with regular, cyclical fluctuations. The fluctuations are real. They are due to summer/winter seasons.

The graph below shows fluctuating data with no clear trend. The fluctuations are random, and may be due to the sensitivity of the measuring instrument rather than a real physical cause.

Zany papaya 722 · Answer

The information regarding the number of employees and factories in England and Wales from 1851 to 1901 depicted by table chart . The data has been calibrated in percentage.

Overall , it is clearly evident that from the employees showed decreasing trend, However number of factories were unstable compard to total employees .

To begin with, the highest number of male employees were accounted for 287,100 which was more than that of female number 190,000 in 1851. By in contrast, there was only 225 . Another interesting point the figure was significantly increased to 721 in 1881. Following this year the number of total employees also fell roughly to 126, 123 workers.

Moving, in the end of the period, the number of total employees had the smallest figure compared to other previous year's just 61,000 workers with respective figure of 31,000 male staffs and 30,000 female staffs. Meanwhile, the number of factories saw a falling trend, declining from 625 in 1891 to 600 in 1901.

Please help me to review my essay IELTS Academic task 1

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