Please help me to review my essay for Task 1. Thanks so much

Question

Please help me to review this essay and predict it's the score. Thanks, everyone.--------------------------------------------The graph illustrates how the numbers of marriages and divorces changed between the years 1975 and 2000 at 5-year intervals in the UK.Overall, it is clear that there were far more marriages than divorces, and while we can see an upward trend in the number of divorces and 2nd marriages, the number of 1st marriages decline over time.Looking at the information for more detail, we can see that in 1975 the number of marriages was the most popular, with about 500 thousand cases. It is followed by the number of first marriages which stood at around 350 thousand points, while the number of 2nd marriages and divorces were much less (just approximately 100 thousand cases)However, during the next 25 years, the number of 2nd marriages and divorces grew dramatically in similar quantities. There were got around 250 thousand cases in 2000.On the other hand, the figure for the number of 1st marriages grew to 400 thousand cases in 1985, before a decline to 300 thousand points in 2000, but it still was the most popular over 25 years period.

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Susan0702 · Answer

Teechr · Answer

Please help me to review this essay and predict ~~it's~~ the score. Thanks, everyone.

Or

Please help me to review this essay and predict ~~it's the~~ its (no apostrophe) score. Thanks, everyone.

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The graph illustrates how the numbers of marriages and divorces changed between the years 1975 and 2000 at 5-year intervals in the UK.

Overall, it is clear that there were far more marriages than divorces, and while we can see an upward trend in the number of divorces and ~~2nd~~ second marriages, the number of ~~1st~~ first marriages declined over time.

Looking at the ~~information for~~ graphs in more detail, we can see that in 1975, ~~the number of~~ around half a million marriages [ 1] were registered, over half of which were first marriages, ~~was the most popular~~ [ 2], ~~with about 500 thousand cases. It is followed by the number of first marriages which stood at around 350 thousand points,~~ while the number of ~~2nd~~ second marriages was approximately 150 thousand and divorces were much less ([ 3] ~~just approximately~~ below 100 thousand). [ 4] ~~cases)~~

[ 5] ~~However,~~ During the next 25 years, the numbers of ~~2nd~~ second marriages and divorces grew slowly, and the two graphs were almost in tandem, both ending at [ 6] ~~dramatically~~ ~~in similar quantities. There were got around~~ 250 thousand ~~cases~~ in 2000.

On the other hand, the ~~figure for the~~ nu~~mber of 1st~~ graph for first marriages [ 7] rose ~~grew~~ to 400 thousand ~~cases~~ in 1985, before seeing/experiencing/showing a decline to 300 thousand [ 4] ~~points~~ in 2000, but it was ~~still was the most popular over~~ higher than the other two graphs throughout that [ 8] 25-year period.

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[ 1]: You will get more marks if you can paraphrase (500,000 ---> “half a million”). If you don’t know the vocabulary “were registered”, you can say “there were half a million marriages”.

[ 2]: “popular” means something that people like.

[ 3]: “just” means “approximately”. Use either, not both.

[ 4]: “cases” and “points” are not suitable words for describing marriages and divorces.

[ 5]: We use “however” to signal a notable change. Here, we don’t have that.

[ 6]: “dramatically” suggests something major/drastic. We don’t have that here. Be careful, as that kind of mistake can lower your grade.

[ 7]: “grew” is not wrong, but try to avoid repetition.

[ 8]: Note the hyphen, and no “s”.

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The first part (introduction and summary) of your text is very good. You need to practise a bit more to improve on the detail.

Please help me to review my essay for Task 1. Thanks so much

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