Please help me to improve my IELTS Task 2 essay. Topic: choices.

Dear friends, I would be really appreciated if you could help review my essay. I've been struggling to complete this piece of writing for the last 2 weeks, and this is my 5th draft. I have tried to the best of my ability to check common mistakes including grammar and word choices, but if you still notice any, feel free to point out those for me. Besides, I'd really appreciate it if you can comment on the use of cohesive devices in this essay, which has been a bit of a struggle for me. For example, I cannot think of any way to naturally connect between paragraph 2 and 3. So would be grateful for any insights. Thanks in advance, and great days to you all!

Topic:

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Essay:

It is argued that we are now faced with the problem of abundance of choices. I completely agree with this point of view, and I believe we can witness it in various aspects of the modern life.

In the field of education, students often find themselves in a situation where they have to choose from too many similar alternatives. Their preparation tool-kits are no longer limited to just official course books; test takers’ choices are now broadened to include a variety of complementary materials. To illustrate, for many students taking the IELTS test, the idea of too many choices in course books, practice tests, strategies and tips appears to add more layers of stress. As a result, they are confused about which courses to take and which advices to follow. I would argue that if their choices were limited to only a number of quality materials that closely resemble the actual test, students would likely perform better.

When it comes to entertainment, we as consumers are increasingly consumed by a barrage of choices. Firstly, there are options between traditional and new forms of digital media, both competing for our time. While conventional pastimes, namely reading or watching movies, still continue to capture our imagination, we might have to find time to try out new forms of entertainment such as mobile interactive gaming. Secondly, even within traditional forms of media, the amount of possible choices is overwhelming for the average viewer. As an example, the way in which we watch films and TV series has been permanently changed by streaming services such as Netflix, which often leaves us paralyzed, unable to pick from an extended list of thousands of titles.

In conclusion, I believe that an overwhelming number of choices has been embedded in most aspects of life, and having too many options can often be bewildering for decision makers.

(309 words)