Please help me to correct this letter as soon as possible

Dear professor XXXXX,

I am highly interested to enroll doctoral’s studies at department of innovations and entrepreneurships. Before a few weeks, I contacted Mrs YYY for more details about entry requirements, admission procedure, study programme, duration of the programme etc. After that, I contacted Mrs ZZZZZ from the department of innovations and entrepreneurships to ask for information about supervisor who would like to lead me during the programme. Mrs ZZZZZ told me that You are the chief of department for innovations and entrepreneurships and she suggested me to contact You with my ideas about research and doctoral’s studies.

Otherwise, it’s not badly to introduce myself in a few sentences. My name is XXXXX. I am living in Berlin, in Germany. I am highly motivated to achieve the highest goals in science and make the world better place for living. I think, I have very good qualifications in a field of telecommunications and in a field of business.

In July 2007. I graduated at the Faculty of electrical engineering in Berlin, at department of telecommunications and received a dipl. engineer degree with GPA of 8.24 ( scale from 5 – 10 ).

In December 2008., I received a master degree in general management at the Faculty for business administracion and computer science in Berlin with excellent GPA of 9.71 ( scale from 5 – 10 ).
The most important part of my master studies I devoted to innovations, innovation’s projects, investments in innovations projects and management as a science. My master’s thesis “Analysis of performance indicators of investment in innovation projects” was one of the best thesis in my class. In my master’s thesis I developed and recommended the “road map” as a way to turn innovation into business success. To write my final examination, I used the knowledge from many world-famous consultants from BCG, BoozAllan, Roland Beger etc.

Today, I think, I am in a chance to give my contribution to science and make this world better place for live and work. I think that innovations and entrepreneurships are perspective scientist disciplines who are able to support a global recovery from the worst economical and financial crisis.

I am pretty sure, that my doctoral dissertation have to combine entrepreneurships, regional cooperations, regional development, clusters, technology transfer, increasing performance of SMEs, EU policies. During the last years, sector of renewable energy and energy efficiency is one of the most important item for EU. It would be very nice to include this “story” in my dissertation and I suggest theme for doctoral disertation “Entrepreneurship and regional development: The role of clusters in a business with renewable energy.”