Please help me to correct this essay (IELTS task 2)

Writings: In some countries, many more people are choosing to live alone nowadays than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Nowadays, there are more people who choose to live alone rather than with their families. That would be an inevitable trend in a modern society. However, it is not an ideal choice of lifestyle with respect to some points of view.

First of all, living alone has developed in many countries especially among the young generations. That could be easily explained by a huge influx of migrant youngsters who rush into big cities to look for high-salary jobs and a more convenient life. Moreover, they choose to live alone to liberate themselves out of the family’s control which have been maintained for a long time by their parents. In regular perspectives, a person who lives alone can do as many things as they want regardless of any comments or critiques from others. He or she would be more comfortable to wear their desired clothes, eat their favourite foods or have a taboo love relationship. In general, living alone helps people earn enough private spaces for their lives.

Nevertheless, living without family is not as wonderful as many people consider. Although the industrial society creates more opportunities for its citizens to pursue an independent life, people who live alone seem to be more introvert. Because of lacking of mutual face-to-face relations, most of people save their relax time immersing into social networks or multimedia entertainments. Such a selfish lifestyle might result in some mental illnesses such as depression or more severe suicide act. A living without parents, spouses or children is also regconised as a cause that looses family relationships. On the other hand, a person who choose a lonely life might suffer a much more financial burden compared with the ones who live with their families. Some countries impose more taxes on individuals living without parents or children.

Finally, while undoubtedly confirming that a single life is gradually a lifestyle of choice in some industrial societies, we should not ignore some disadvantages in comparison with a collective life.