Please help me to correct my writing ielts task 2. Thank you very much

Question

Topic: The use of social media is replacing face-to-face interaction among many people in society. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?AnswerNowadays, we have seen the development of social media as a new way to interact with people. The majority of young generation are all using apps such as Facebook or Instagram. This has both advantages and disadvantages, but I think the benefits overweigh the drawbacks.Social media bring several drawbacks. People especially youngsters use social networking in many wrong ways. Social media are a good platform if the people who use them know the proper and effective way. But teenagers are easily getting into the bad side of it, there have been many cases of people getting scammed and lose their money because they trusted their online friends. Children can also have access to inappropriate pages if their parents do not pay attention to what they are allowed to play with. Another problem is that people spend too much time online that they forget how to hold a conversation in real life. It is common to see people hanging out with each other but still focus on their phones all the time and if they do not have the phone with them they become awkward and struggle to talk properly.However, there are many benefits of online conversation. Firstly, we can keep in touch with loved ones no matter where they are. For example, we can now talk to people in different countries using just our phones. Secondly, social media is a powerful tool in education. Students who cannot attend face-to-face classes can still study online. For instance, with the pandemic we are dealing with, it was thanks to apps like Zoom or Google Meet that can ensure both safety and proper education for children all around the world. Besides, students can join Facebook groups and ask for help from people online without meeting them.In conclusion, social media has lots of drawbacks but we have to agree that the benefits outweigh them all.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Please post essays, paragraphs, dialogues and other writing in the essay forum so a moderator does not have to move your post. Click on this link:
https://www.englishforums.com/English/EssayReportCompositionWriting/Forum9.htm

Next, tap on the green button "write a new post"

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Nowadays, ~~we have seen the development of~~ (The development" does not provide anything. It is the websites that do this. ) social media provides a new way to interact with people. The majority of young ~~generation~~ people have smartphones and are all using apps such as Facebook or Instagram. This has both advantages and disadvantages, but I think the benefits ~~over~~ outweigh / are greater than the drawbacks.

Social media has ~~bring~~ (wrong verb and verb form ) several drawbacks. People especially teenagers / adolescents ~~youngsters~~ ( youngster is a child younger than a teenager. Besides, this word is quite casual and not very appropriate for formal writing.) use social networking in many wrong ways. Social media are a good platform (This paragraph is not about the good points, but the negative aspects. Focus on your argument for this paragraph, otherwise, you contradict yourself.. This sentence is probably the best to use as your main topic, so it should be the first one in this paragraph. ) if the people who use them know the proper and effective way. But teenagers are easily getting into the bad side of it, there have been many cases of people getting scammed and lose (wrong verb form) their money because they trusted their online friends. Children can also have access to inappropriate pages if their parents do not pay attention to what they are allowed to play with. Another problem is that people spend so ~~too~~ much time online that they forget how to hold a conversation in real life. It is common to see people hanging out with each other but still focus (wrong verb form) on their phones all the time and if they do not have the phone with them they become awkward and struggle to talk properly.

However, there are many benefits of online conversation. (Social media is much more than conversation) First, ~~Firstly~~, we can keep in touch with loved ones no matter where they are. For example, we can now talk to people in different countries using ~~just~~ our phones. (calling someone on the phone is not using social media.) ~~Secondly~~, Second, social media is a powerful tool in education. Students who cannot attend face-to-face classes can still study online. (On-line classrooms are not social media - social media is for recreational time..) For instance, with the pandemic we are dealing with, it was thanks to apps like Zoom or Google Meet that can ensure both safety and proper education for children all around the world. Besides, students can join Facebook groups and ask for help from people online without meeting them. (Your arguments are not well developed. You skip from one subject to another. Stick with one or two main ideas that are fleshed out with personal experiences and a number of examples. )

In conclusion, social media has lots of drawbacks but we have to agree that the benefits outweigh them all.

Please help me to correct my writing ielts task 2. Thank you very much

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions