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Lemy1619 Posted 8 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Please help me to correct my writing ^^

This is my topic :


Essay topics: The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010

This is my work:

the bar chart offer a glimpse of how various age groups of australian males and females who frequently engage in workout by 2010.
It can clearly be seen in the graph that Australian females had a tendency to generally more interested in physical activity than Australian male. For instance, the middle category of age (35 to 44) indicates that the overwhelming majority of people doing excercise was females about 52,5% compared only to 39,5% of males In comparison, in the first age group (from 15 to 24) doing exercise proved to be more fruitful for males at young age as overall percentage grew in contrast to females and reach the most striking proportion in their span of life by 52,8% whereas females was roughly 5 percent marginally lower Not long after that, unfortunately for males, in the two next phases particularly aged at 35 and 44, the participation in regular physical exercise is no longer a strongly concern and was passed for the most passive group as it touched the bottom of by 39,5%. Nonetheless, from aged 45 onwards the figures were constanly improved but not as numerous as it was initially . On the contrary, Women aged from 25 to 64 years old had back-to-back increases and were among the most bodily active groups when they reached their peak by 53,3% in the middle ageInterestingly, the percentages of people at the last category of age to involve in excercising were remarkably similar for both genders, at approximately 47 percent.

  

Top answer

htm There is no bar chart in your post, so it is difficult to assess your essay. Please attach a picture of it.

  • htm There is no bar chart in your post, so it is difficult to assess your essay.
  • Please attach a picture of it.
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Please post essays in the essay forum:

https://www.englishforums.com/English/EssayReportCompositionWriting/Forum9.htm

There is no bar chart in your post, so it is difficult to assess your essay. Please attach a picture of it.

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