Please help me to correct my IELTS WRITING TASK 1

Question

Topic: The chart below shows the percentage of households in owned and rented accommodation in England and Wales between 1918 and 2011.Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant (at least 150 words).My essay:The bar chart compares the proportion of households that were rented and those of which were owned in both British and Wales over a period of 93 years, since 1981 to 2011.It is clear that the amount of owned households and rented households both experienced significant fluctuation throughout the period shown. Through years, while the proportion of accommodation which were rented saw a reduction, the proportion of owned accommodation increased rapidly.From 1918 to 1961, the rented households reduced sharply from its highest point, 78% to roughly 60%, and continued to decrease until it reached the same amount as the number of owned households in 1917, at 50%. Meanwhile, the figure for households that were owned increased remarkably by over 25% from 23% (1918) to 50% (1971).At the other end of the period, while the percentage of people who lived in rented accommodation continued to decrease to only 30% in 2001, the relative figure for owned households increased steadily to nearly 70%. In 2001, there was a small increase in the proportion of rented houses while the figure of owned houses had a slight decrease.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Trang Thanh;

I have given you feedback on many essays, but not once have you said thank you, that you gained any benefit or appreciated my help. I am discouraged from helping you more.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

You need to read my advice for Task 1 essays. You make so many common mistakes.

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

I wrote a model essay for this topic. You can read it in this discussion thread.

https://www.englishforums.com/English/WritingTask1AChart/bnzkgr/post.htm#sc2533507

The bar chart compares the proportion of households that were rented and those of which were owned in both British and Wales over a period of 93 years, since (wrong word) 1981 to 2011. (That is 30 years.)

~~It is clear that~~ the amount (wrong word) of owned households and rented households both experienced (word to avoid) significant fluctuation (wrong word)throughout the period shown. Through years, while the proportion of accommodation which were rented saw a reduction, the proportion of owned accommodation increased rapidly.(Of course you observed that the sum of the two was always 100%, so if one went up, the other had to go down by exactly the same amount.)

From 1918 to 1961, the rented households reduced sharply from its highest point, 78% to roughly 60%, and continued to decrease until it reached the same value ~~amount~~ as the number of owned households in 1917, at 50%. Meanwhile, the figure (wrong word) for households that were owned increased remarkably by over 25% from 23% (1918) to 50% (1971).

At the other end of the period, while the percentage of people who lived in rented accommodation continued to decrease to only 30% in 2001, the relative figure (wrong word) for owned households increased steadily to nearly 70%. In 2001, there was a small increase in the proportion of rented houses while the figure (wrong word) of owned houses had a slight decrease.

Please help me to correct my IELTS WRITING TASK 1

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