Please help me to correct my essay

Topic: There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays.

Answer:

It is true that music has been becoming more diverse than ever before. Music plays a crucial role in our lives and I would argue that national traditional music is much more important than modern international music.

There are a range of reasons why people listening to music. Music has been always the best relaxing-tool of humankind, for example, all of your pain, sorrow can be mitigated when you close your eyes and being soaked in the melody of a country song. Songs can also be a meaningful gift that can be given to our friends in special cases. For example, in Vietnam ‘Happy Birthday’ is always sung at birthday party as a gift for the host of this party. In addition to this, music is also used to encourage the spirit of people, especially in big sports events such as World Cup or Olympics.

In my opinion, together with the development of the Internet, international music has become more popular and can be heard anywhere in the world, from slum areas to high-end restaurants but the cultural values of traditional music is much more important than this popularity. Firstly, traditional music in many countries is considered as a national intangible heritage and being preserved by local government and the United Nations alike, whereas modern music is only a commercial product that is marketed by merchants. Secondly, traditional music is not only simply a type of art but also the national pride. Finally, I believe that traditional music is a good way that we can use to introduce our national culture and custom to our friends those are foreigners.

In conclusion, music always constitutes as an essential part of our lives and I believe traditional music should be given more importance than international music.