Please help me to check my Writing task 2 and give my band score

Topic:

Some people think that children should begin their education at a very early age. Some think they should begin at at least 7 years old.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

My essay:

It is true that there’re a number of people who agree to let children access to education before the officially attend school. Whereas, studying from 7 years old is also the choice of some parents. I strongly believe that children should be allowed to play properly at their age.

On the one hand, if children are forced to learn something before the age of 7. They definitely do not have enough time for leisure play. Consequently, it will bring some side effects on their social and emotional development. This is scientifically proved by a research of American activists. Also, their brain is not developed enough to abtract knowledge. They are too young and immature to gain knowledge. Because these are possibly so challenging for them to remember or follow. As a results, children feel afraid of learning later on.

On the other hand, if children attend school when the reach 7, they will get strong foundation of brain development and experience and language as well. I used to play traditional games without attending any class when I was a child and it was the most exciting experience for me before I go into grade 1. It is widely thought that student will be more confident and active if they’ve got enough time for them to play. For me, it is no more happy than looking the children smiling.

To sum up, it is better to let children study at there right age. Parents would rather give their children time and space to play than ask them for attending pre-school classes.