Please help me to check my IELTS writing task 1. Thank you!!

Question

The following chart shows the results of a British survey taken in 2009 related to Housing preferences of UK people.The bar chart provides information about the proportion of accommodations that people wanted in three different cities (Liverpool, London, Manchester respectively) in the UK 2009.Overall, Liverpool preferred to live in apartments than the others while the semi-detached houses were the most favorite for London and Manchester. In contrast, the percentage of the British's requirement fr the terraced house was minimal.As can be seen, the apartment's preference rate hit the highest point in Liverpool at about 60%, being surpassing London and Manchester's rate by approximately 30%, and 20% respectively. However, the figure for the other accommodations that the Liverpool desired hit the low-point, reaching around 10% to 20%.According to London's as wee as Manchester's statistics, both were totally the same level, almost 40%. Samely as the apartments, the inhabitants loved the terraced houses in Longdon was higher than in Manchester, as opposed to almost a third. On the other hand, it was the Manchester that want to live in the detached houses most, around 35%.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Please read my advice for Task 1 essays:

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Most of your writing was very poor English. You must write in clear, simple sentences. Your skills are not good for complicated sentences, so you will get a higher score by writing very simple and factual sentences.

The bar chart provides information about (That is very vague. Exactly what is on this chart?)

The bar chart provides information about (That is very vague. Exactly what is on this chart?) the proportion of accommodations that people wanted (That is not what is on the chart.) in three different cities (Liverpool, London, Manchester respectively) in the UK 2009.

Overall, Liverpool (Liverpool is a large city. Does a city live in an apartment?) preferred to live in apartments than the others while the semi-detached houses were the most favorite for London and Manchester. In contrast, the percentage of the British's requirement (unnatural. This is not a good phrase.) fr the terraced house was minimal.

As can be seen, the apartment's preference rate (Do apartments have a choice? Also, there are no rates on this chart.) hit the highest point (wrong expression) in Liverpool at about 60%, being (wrong word) surpassing London and Manchester's rate (There are no rates on this chart.) by approximately 30%, and 20% respectively. However, the figure (wrong word) for the other accommodations that the Liverpool desired hit the low-point, reaching around 10% to 20%.

According to London's as wee (wrong word) as Manchester's statistics, both were totally the same level, almost 40%. Samely as the apartments, the inhabitants loved the terraced houses in Longdon was higher than in Manchester, as opposed to almost a third. On the other hand, it was the Manchester (I do not understand. Does a city live in a house?) that want to live in the detached houses most, around 35%.

Sample essay.

Every Task 1 essay has these instructions:

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Paragraph 1: Describe the elements of the graphic. Do not mention the data content. In this case, two sentences are required because all the information cannot fit in one natural sentence.

The bar chart shows the kinds of housing that people in three UK cities (Manchester, London and Liverpool) would prefer to live in. Specifically, it gives the percentage of people who select either an apartment, a terraced house, a detached house or a semi-detached house in a 2009 survey.

Paragraph 2: In this paragraph, report the main features. Pick out two or three items that you think are very important.

Overall, there was only one clear majority preference in the survey, apartment living in Liverpool. If that anomaly is ignored, people tended to select detached or semi-detached houses over the other two choices.

Paragraph 3: In this paragraph focus on making comparisons. Here you have two choices: comparisons between the cities and comparisons between the types of housing. A paragraph can be based on either one or the other. In this sample, I decided to compare the cities. The total word count in this sample is 170. Note how I use the semicolon as a linking device.

In detail, there were clear differences between people in these three cities. Nearly 60% of residents of Liverpool would choose to live in an apartment, with less than one in five picking the second choice, a semi-detached house. Londoners had no clear preference; the percentages lay between a low of 20% for a terraced home and a high of 38% for a semi-detached house. In Manchester, the top picks were quite close; detached and semi-detached houses received 35 and 38% of the votes, respectively.

Please help me to check my IELTS writing task 1. Thank you!!

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions