Please help me to assess my writing IELTS task 2.

Question

Topic: Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?

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My essay:

In the era of globalization, the development of technology is an inevitable consequence. As a result, the tremendous growth of modern technology has changed human interaction in various ways. In my opinion, technology has both positive and negative influence on relationships.

The penetration of technology has impacted different kind of relationships, vary from business to education and social life. First, the emergence of online-based communication tools such as Skype allows business people in different countries to collaborate without spending time and money to travel for direct meeting. Second, in the education field, with the virtual communication exchange, students now can freely contact to their teachers for learning problems while reducing the reluctance to open to teachers. Finally, the introduction of social networks like Facebook encourages people to make new friends and find people who share common interests through their computers.

On one hand, the progress of technology has considerable advantages not only in work but in social context as well. It replaces old-fashioned and time-consuming tools such as written letters or telegrams with the more convenient tools such as email, phone or video call. However, there are many cases where people substitute their real-life relations with digital communication and alienate themselves from communities. For example, young people tend to abuse social network to make friends online rather than having real friendship with their peers in the real world. This can lead to a poor relationship with their friends and limit the communication ability.

In conclusion, it is certain that technology has caused remarkable revolution in communication; however, the influences of technology on human interaction have both positive and negative sides.

Vivian281 · Accepted Answer

Topic: Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?

------------------------------------------------------

My essay:

In the era of globalization, the development of technology is an inevitable consequence (Missing words - a consequence of what?) . ~~As a result,~~ The tremendous growth of modern technology has changed human interaction in various ways. In my opinion, technology has both positive and negative influence on relationships.

The

The penetration of technology has impacted different kind of relationships, vary from business to education and social life. First, the emergence of online-based communication tools such as Skype allows business people in different countries to collaborate without spending time and money to travel for direct meeting. Second, in the education field, with the virtual communication exchange, students now can freely contact to their teachers for learning problems while reducing the reluctance to open to teachers. Finally, the introduction of social networks like Facebook encourages people to make new friends and find people who share common interests through their computers.

On one hand, the progress of technology has considerable advantages not only in work but in social context as well. It replaces old-fashioned and time-consuming tools such as written letters or telegrams with the more convenient tools such as email, phone or video call. However, there are many cases where people substitute their real-life relations with digital communication and alienate themselves from communities. For example, young people tend to abuse social network to make friends online rather than having real friendship with their peers in the real world. This can lead to a poor relationship with their friends and limit the communication ability.

In conclusion, it is certain that technology has caused remarkable revolution in communication; however, the influences of technology on human interaction have both positive and negative sides.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

In the era of globalization, the development of technology is an inevitable consequence (Missing words - a consequence of what?) . ~~As a result,~~ The tremendous growth of modern technology has changed human interaction in various ways. In my opinion, technology has both positive and negative influence on relationships.

The

The penetration (wrong word) of technology has impacted different kind of relationships, vary (wrong form) from business to education and social life. First, the emergence of online-based communication tools such as Skype allows business people in different countries to collaborate without spending time and money to travel for a ~~direct~~ meeting. Second, in the education field, with the virtual (wrong word. Do you mean virtual reality? The virtual classroom? "Virtual" means a simulation of a physical situation or entity. The communication is real, not simulated. ) communication exchange, students now can freely contact to their teachers for learning problems (We usually do not teach problems.) while reducing the reluctance to open (wrong phrase. I don't know what you mean.) to teachers. Finally, the introduction of social networks like Facebook encourages people to make new friends and find people who share common interests ~~through their computers.~~

On one hand, (incorrect use of transition phrase) the progress of technology has considerable advantages not only in work but in the social context as well. It replaces old-fashioned and time-consuming tools such as written letters or telegrams with the more convenient tools such as email, phone or video call. However, there are many cases where people substitute their real-life relations with digital communication and alienate themselves from communities. For example, young people tend to abuse social network to make friends online rather than having real friendship (wrong form) with their peers in the real world. This can lead to a poor relationship (wrong form) with their friends and limit their communication ability.

In conclusion, it is certain that technology has caused a remarkable revolution in communication; however, the influences of technology on human interaction have both positive and negative sides.

Please help me to assess my writing IELTS task 2.

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