Please help me revise this IELTS Writing task 2essay which is about education

Dear teacher,

Please help me revise this IELTS Writing task 2essay which is about education.

Thanks,

(18-04-2015) Some people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is said that schoolchild should be rewarded by their best academic results, whereas think that it is more needed to reward students who show improvements. In my opinion, I completely agree that reward to those improvements is better than academic results.

On the one hand, there are more and more schools in the world choose to reward their highest achievers. Firstly, because students know that they will be rewarded by schools if they have the best academic results and highly competitive environment so that they will do anything to get high score in class and it leads to many consequences such as the results which schools reward may not true, student can copy their friends while they were taking an exam. For example, last year in Ha Giang Province had had an unfortunate incident in the national exam which failure is both examinees and examiners when they teamed up to make fake grades for students in order to pass that exam. After that, department of education cancelled all of the grades of those students. Secondly, it may not fair with some schoolchild if they have had health problem which affect they on their test that day, all of their effort during the whole progress will be unrewarded.

On the other hand, I believe that the advantages if schools reward schoolchild who make strides in their education is outweigh than disadvantages. The first reason is the result will be more real because the progress demonstrate the effort of the student in the long term rather than short term so that teachers can see clearly if their students tried their best or not. Moreover, it is equality for students and also as a chance to encourage them. At least they were put their efforts into their progress; for instance, they are not a really smart student but they always try to do the test better and better day by day, this day they just got grade three which is under average but on the next day they get grade six so its very deserve to be rewarded because of their efforts.

In conclusion, although both views certainly have some validity, it seems to me that it is better to honor schoolchild base on their strides in education than on the highest achieve because we learn to access the world of knowledge not for the grades.