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KhoiLe Posted 9 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Please help me revise this essay in a more nature style. Thank you!

Nowadays many young people spend their free time in shopping centers. This has a negative effect on the youths and the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion and relevant examples.

Numerous youngsters tend to spend their leisure time in shopping malls, and many people argue that this places a bad effect on the young generation and even the society. In this essay, I will elaborate some reasons why I strongly agree with this perspective and state my own viewpoint.

On one hand, if young people consume a huge amount of time only in shopping centers, it can pose significant threats to themselves. Firstly, young individuals who only spend their valuable time on shopping and entertainment instead of further self-study may struggle to survive with their jobs in the future. Secondly, they can have an insufficient well-being as they do not have enough time for playing sports or doing exercises while keeping well-being conditions at a healthy level physically and mentally is one of the most important tasks for everyone to adapt to the current dynamic lifestyle and avoid health risks.

On the other hand, not only the youths but also the society received considerable disadvantages from those young people’s tendency. First of all, young workers with incompetence will involve the workforce, and can only do low-level jobs like manual tasks, which put the society under a great pressure of lacking well-trained and professional employees. Moreover, they can face a scenario of unemployed and place a significant burden on the welfare system, which means that the whole society has to cover for their daily expenses. In addition, some of those juveniles can turn to crime as they need money for their personal desires and lead the society to unstable or even chaotic status.

In conclusion, there are many reasons why this trend can bring numerous demerits for both individuals and society. In my opinion, the young generation will face challenges firstly, but the entire society will receive most damage.

  

Top answer

I have given you some suggestions for the first two paragraphs. "Youngsters" is an informal word. In the US, we use it to refer to kids about 7 to 12 years old.

  • I have given you some suggestions for the first two paragraphs.
  • "Youngsters" is an informal word.
  • In the US, we use it to refer to kids about 7 to 12 years old.
  • "Young people" means people who have freedom to go out by themselves, not under their parents' supervision.
  • Numerous youngsters Young people tend to spend their leisure time in shopping malls, and many people argue that this has places a bad effect on them young generation and even the society as a whole.
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1 Answers
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I have given you some suggestions for the first two paragraphs. "Youngsters" is an informal word. In the US, we use it to refer to kids about 7 to 12 years old. "Young people" means people who have freedom to go out by themselves, not under their parents' supervision.


Numerous youngsters Young people tend to spend their leisure time in shopping malls, and m

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