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Anonymous Posted 18 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

please help me revise this essay,

I also need a brief discussion on the changes made, and how they improved the paper!.. thanks in advance!!









Insurgency in



Thesis: has changed drastically since the start of the war. Iraqi insurgents are much smarter, and are devoted to get us out of their country.



In this narration I will describe the Iraqi insurgency from my first deployment in 2003 and my second deployment in 2007- present. The war in Iraq gets both criticism and praise from the people of the . Some might argue that the U.S. is in for oil, and some might say our purpose was to oust Saddam Hussein and give the Iraqi people a sense of freedom.



I have been deployed to twice with the U.S. Army as a Military Police Officer. On my first deployment I landed in in August 2003; I was fresh out of A.I.T. (Advanced Individual Training), and I didn’t know what to expect heading into the hottest spot in . I met with my chain of command, ate dinner at the Dining facility, and was put in a tent with the rest of my platoon for the night. The next morning I went to the range to qualify with my M9 pistol and my M4 assault rifle. My first mission was in 2 hours. I left the comfort of the FOB and ventured onto the streets of .



Being in in 2003 was an eye opener to me. It made me more disciplined because you never knew what was waiting for you on those roads. The Iraqi insurgents weren’t very smart when the war first kicked off, they would set Improvised Explosive Devices under dead animals, and place them in the middle of the road so we can avoid them. Kids threw big rocks off of bridges as we passed under them, and would ask us for candy when we went into there neighborhoods. We were escorting these convoys, and doing patrols in vehicles with no armor. So we were basically naked on the road so to speak. Back on the camp we lived in tents, showered in a big tent, and had to burn our urine and feces after using the bathroom outside.



Now it’s January 2008 and I am once again in . When I flew into country in August 2007 things did not look the same, military camps that used to outline the airport were no longer there, and Iraqi citizens were walking around the airport freely. On our way to camp victory in our 5 vehicle convoy, the truck in front of me hit an I.E.D. that sent the up-armored hmmmwv into the air. The 155mm round that they hit was set in a hole and covered back up with concrete, so of course it was not seen until it was too late. The Iraqi insurgents adjusted to our tactics, and they got wiser.



Medevac was called in for the soldiers in the vehicle. When we got back to the base everyone was on edge, and we all wanted to find out who was responsible for that I.E.D., but we all just waited around to find out if our comrades were okay. That night we accompanied infantry soldiers on a raid of the small town right by where the I.E.D was placed, and found a small cache of weapons and other contraband, but not before getting into a firefight with insurgents.



In conclusion, over the past four years Iraqi insurgents have not only shown the will to adapt, but they have strongly made an impression on the They have proved too many military commanders that they are here to stay, and that they only get smarter with time.







  

Top answer

A very interesting piece; it is good to read a firsthand report. I have underlined some problem areas: Thesis: Iraq has changed drastically since the start of the war. Iraqi insurgents are much smarter, and are devoted to get us out of their country.

  • A very interesting piece; it is good to read a firsthand report.
  • I have underlined some problem areas: Thesis: Iraq has changed drastically since the start of the war.
  • Iraqi insurgents are much smarter, and are devoted to get us out of their country.
  • In this narration I will describe the Iraqi insurgency from my first deployment in 2003 and my second deployment in 2007- present.
  • The war in Iraq gets both criticism and praise from the people of the United States.
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1 Answers
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A very interesting piece; it is good to read a firsthand report. I have underlined some problem areas:



Thesis: Iraq has changed drastically since the start of the war. Iraqi insurgents are much smarter, and are devoted to get us out of their country.

In this narration I will describe the Iraqi insurgency from my first deployment in 2003 and my s

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