Please help me review this IELTS writing task 2

Topic:

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

My essay:

It is a fact that learning to be a good member of the society of children is always parents' concern. Many people believed that it is better for children to be taught by their closest while others claim that school is where students can learn it best. This essay is going to analyse both of the opinions.

To begin with, children have better environment to learn to be a good social member at school. It can be said that school is a small society, pupils can communicate with many other people from teachers to students. Therefore, they can have more chances not only to study the theory but also practice in real life.

Nevertheless, despite the merit above, I truly believe that teaching children about being a good social member at home is much necessary. First, the younger children are, the more easily they learn and parents are the only one who can do this. To illustrate, by telling a meaningful story of how a good person is a night, children can easily understand and learn it in a natural way. Second, parents are also the closest ones to their children so they can understand them well. As a result, the can find the most suitable and efficient way to teach their children.

To sum up, I prefer giving students lessons about being a good member of the society at home as it is always parents' responsibility. Moreover, I always believe that the younger children are taught, the better person they become.