Please help me review this IELTS Writing Task 1 Essay
Hello teachers, this is my latest essay for Writing Task 1. I know it contains many errors, I hope that you can point them out so I can complete this essay. Thank you so much
Task
The line graph compares the annual incomes of three bake houses in Calgary from 2000 to 2010.
Overall, there were remarkable uptrends in the earnings of both Amandine Bakery and Bolo Cakery, while Mari Bakery underwent a considerable fall over the period. Additionally, in 2000, Mari was the bakery with the highest yearly income, however, Amandine Bakery earned more money than the others in 2010.
In 2000, the revenue of Amandine Bakery started at approximately $60000 per year, while the figure for Bolo Cakery and Mari Bakeshop were $20000 and $80000, respectively. Over the six years since 2000, the amount of money earned by Amandine Bakery hardly changed and reached $60000 in 2006, whereas the figure for Bolo Bakery rose to nearly $40000 in 2003, then remained stable until 2006.
In the next four years, the yearly earning of Mari Bakeshop continued to fall, and dropped to half of its figure in 2000. By contrast, Bolo Cakery experienced steady increase in annual income to over $60000 in 2010, while the figure of Amandine Bakery made its way up to over $100000 per year. (183 words)
Top answer
The line graph compares the annual incomes of three bake house s bakeries in Calgary from 2000 to 2010. Overall, there were remarkable uptrends in the earnings of both Amandine Bakery and Bolo Cakery, while Mari Bakery underwent a considerable decline fall over the period. Additionally, in 2000, Mari was the bakery with the highest yearly incom e, (comma splice error) however, Amandine Bakery earned more money than the others in 2010.
- The line graph compares the annual incomes of three bake house s bakeries in Calgary from 2000 to 2010.
- Overall, there were remarkable uptrends in the earnings of both Amandine Bakery and Bolo Cakery, while Mari Bakery underwent a considerable decline fall over the period.
- Additionally, in 2000, Mari was the bakery with the highest yearly incom e, (comma splice error) however, Amandine Bakery earned more money than the others in 2010.
- In 2000, the revenue of Amandine Bakery started at approximately $60000 per year, while the amounts figure for Bolo Cakery and Mari Bakeshop were $20000 and $80000, respectively.
- Over the six years after / following since 2000, the amount of money earned by Amandine Bakery hardly changed and reached $60000 in 2006, whereas the figure income for Bolo Bakery rose to nearly $40000 in 2003, then remained flat / constant stable until 2006.
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The line graph compares the annual incomes of three bake houses bakeries in Calgary from 2000 to 2010.
Overall, there were remarkable uptrends in the earnings of both Amandine Bakery and Bolo Cakery, while Mari Bakery underwent a considerable dec
0Please read my advice for Task 1 essays:
0The line graph compares the annual income of three bakeries in Calgary, Amandine Bakery, Mari Bakeshop and Bolo Cakery, between 2000 and 2010.
Overall, in 2000, Mari Bakeshop surpassed the other two in revenue, with Amandine Bakery coming in second and Bolo Cakery third. Amandine showed a large increase and was in top position in 2010, with Bolo Cakery second and Mari Bakes
0
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