Please help me review this IELTS task 1

Question

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The graph compares the call volume in UK by three types of telephone: local - fixed line, national and international - fixed line, and mobile phone during 8 consecutive years from 1995 to 2002.

Overall, all three categories underwent a developping period when the total number of minutes increased steadily from 1995-1999. However, the quantity of local call by fixed line service gradually dropped while the two other services continued to rise in the latter years.

In the 1995-1999 period, the number of minutes calling by local fixed line increased from 72 to 90 billion minutes which took more than two folds of the combined value of national/international fixed line and mobile phone. After achieving the peak, the call time by local fixed line declined until 2002. By contrast, the call volume of national/international fixed line rose from 36 billions in 1995 to 62 billions (minutes) in 2002. Time spent for mobile call in both domestic and international services increase slightly in the first 5 years, but it has doubled every year from 1999 to achieve 45 billion minutes in 2002.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The graph (what kind of graph? https://style.ons.gov.uk/data-visualisation/bar-charts-for-time-series/ ) compares the call volume in UK by three types of telephone service: local - fixed line, national and international - fixed line, and mobile phone over the eight-year period ~~during 8 eight consecutive years~~ from 1995 to 2002. (For small numbers that are not data values, use words, not numerals.)

Overall, all three categories ~~underwent~~ a developping (spelling, not a good word.) period when the total number of minutes increased steadily from 1995-1999.

Overall, in the initial five years, 1995-1999, call volume gradually increased in all categories.

However, the quantity (wrong word) of local call by fixed line service gradually dropped while the two other services continued to rise in the latter years.

In the 1995-1999 period, the number of minutes calling by local fixed line increased from 72 to 90 billion minutes which ~~took~~ (wrong word) was more than ~~two folds~~ (invalid expression) twice of the combined value of national/international fixed line and mobile phones. After ~~achieving~~ (wrong word) reaching a ~~the~~ peak, ~~the call time by local fixed line~~ it declined ~~until 2002~~. (Until 2002 implies that it increased after that.) By contrast, the call volume of national/international fixed line rose from 36 billions (wrong form) in 1995 to 62 billions (wrong form) (minutes) in 2002. Time spent on ~~for~~ mobile call in both domestic and international services increase (wrong form) slightly in the first five 5 years, but it has doubled every year from 1999 (It did not double between 2001 and 2002; 45 is not two times 38.) to achieve (wrong word) 45 billion minutes in 2002.

Sample:

Paragraph 1: Describe the figure:

The time series bar chart compares the total minutes of telephone calls each year in the UK over the eight-year period from 1995 to 2002. The totals are separated out by the type of call: Local (from a fixed line), International / national (from a fixed line) and mobile calls to all destinations.

Paragraph 2: Point out two or three significant points without going into details:

Overall, the total time that people spent on all telephone calls increased over the period by nearly 60%. Local fixed lines always accounted for the largest proportion, with international/national fixed line calls being second and mobile calls third.

Paragraph 3: Focus on some details with particular data values.

The total number of minutes started at 112 billion in 1995, going up to 150 billion in 1999, and ending at 175 billion in 2002. However, the increase was not equally proportioned across all three services; in particular, mobile phones represented less than 5% percent in 1995 and substantially increased their share of the total. The use of local fixed lines for calls peaked in 1998-1999 with close to 90 billion minutes in each of these years. After 1999, the decline in these calls of approximately 20 billion minutes was more than compensated by an increase of 30 billion minutes in mobile calls. Fixed-line national / international calls increased linearly at a rate of about 3.2 billion minutes annually throughout this time, starting at 38 and ending at 62 billion minutes.

Please help me review this IELTS task 1

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