Please help me review this IELTS task 1

Question

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The line chart demonstrates the changes of the amount of waste released in three different companies from 2000 to 2015.

In general, the waste volume discarded by company A and B tended to decrease whereas the rubbish from company C increased remarkably throughout the 15-year period.

Looking into more detail, it is evident that the waste produced by company A was the largest source (12 tonnes) in 2000 but it steadily dropped to 8 tonnes after 15 years. Meanwhile, the company B’s waste output had risen in a short interval of 5 years, peaked at 10 tonnes in 2005 before making a considerable decline to a lowest level of 3 tonnes in the next 10 years.

At the beginning of the period, company C, in contrast, produced least amount of waste with 3 tonnes but its quantity of waste rose significantly and reached 10 tonnes in the final year to rank first among the three companies pushing company A to the second position.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The line chart (Wrong word. There are pie charts and bar charts. There is no such thing as a line chart.) demonstrates (Wrong word. Use one of these verbs: show, give, compare, present, plot) the changes (wrong word. The values plotted are absolute values, not changes.) of the amount of waste released in three different companies from 2000 to 2015.

In general, the waste volume discarded by company A and B ~~tended to~~ decreased whereas the rubbish (wrong word. ) from company C increased remarkably throughout the 15-year period.

~~Looking into more detail, it is evident that~~ (Those words convey no information about the data. They are waste words.) the waste produced by company A was the largest ~~source~~ (12 tonnes) in 2000 but it steadily dropped to 8 tonnes after 15 years. Meanwhile, ~~the~~ company B’s waste ~~output~~ had risen in a short interval of 5 years, and peaked at 10 tonnes in 2005 before making a considerable decline to a the lowest level of 3 tonnes in 2015. ~~the next 10 years~~.

At the beginning of the period, company C, in contrast, produced the least amount of waste with 3 (Wrong value) tonnes but its ~~quantity~~ volume of waste rose significantly and reached 10 tonnes in the final year to rank first among the three companies pushing company A to the second position.

Here are some points I would include if I wrote an essay

The line graph compares the waste production in tonnes of three companies, A, B and C, from 2000 to 2015.

Overall, over the fifteen-year period, the total amount of waste from all three companies was reduced by about 3 tonnes, from 24 to 21 tonnes. Company B succeeded in cutting its waste by more than 60%, from 8 to 3 tonnes. Its efforts were completely offset by company C, which was the only one of the three to generate more, an additional 6 tonnes.

Company A steadily generated less and less, changing its position from the highest producer, 12 tonnes to second-highest, at 8 tonnes. Company C had the opposite trend, continuously producing more and more, from a starting point of 4 to an ending value of 10 tonnes. Notably, in 2005, the total volume was highest. In that year, company B had their peak output at 10 tonnes and company C contributed 6 tonnes, a rise of 2 tonnes compared to 2000. Company A had modestly cut its waste from 12 to 11 tonnes, yielding a grand total of 27 tonnes.

Please help me review this IELTS task 1

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