Please help me review this ielts essay, this is my first post

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

In the era of globalisation and modernization, there are a large number of occupations for individuals to choose. There is a fact that numerous people prefer working for their own to being employed by a company or an organisation. This following essay will look at possible explanations and several drawbacks of self-employment.
There are two possibly main reasons why plenty of people tend to be self-employed. Firstly, in recent years, job market becomes so competitive and selective that most companies require not only degree but also experience; therefore, lots of people do not qualify a good job. For example, individuals who have recently graduated may find difficult to seek for a job because they have not undergone practical situation. Secondly, job satisfaction is a significant factor that makes employees reconsider about their current work. Relationship with colleagues, salary, time...contemporarily influence their thought and motivation, so many ones may work for themselves to have better income of be active in time
However, being self-employed can bring some disadvantages. People who desire to dominate their job often have to make great efforts at the beginning. For instance, in order to create a new brand of clothes, a person must directly study about the clothing market, find suitable materials, launch advertising...which requires lots of time and money. In addition, these kinds of occupation tend to be vulnerable under considerable variations of economic and social background because they do not have a great source of investment and lack flexibility
In conclusion, nowadays, people choose to be self-employed because of strict job market and job satisfaction and this situation can have some drawbacks such as beginning difficulty and vulnerability.