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Doan Bùi Posted 5 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Please help me review my writing ielts task 2
In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough.
What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
In several parts of the world, young kids were taught to try hard for any goals they dream of. Although this would be a necessary motivation for children, some argue that this message is also attached to a number of drawbacks.
On the one hand, working hard and being consistent with the goal play a vital role in one’s success. Unless people put effect into their work, they could never have appropriate experience and knowledge to achieve their dreams. Especially, with those who are not talented at or cannot afford to what they choose, they even must try much harder than others. Many millionaires who had to start working hard since they were at their early age because of destitute life is a typical example for it. Therefore, being aware of this will motivate the youth to be patient and work harder for their ambitions.
In contrast, there still are some disadvantages of this idea when some people never have a realistic target. It would be unlikely to achieve an unrealizable dream that is not considered suitable for dreamers at the start because of lack of experience in certain fields. Therefore, some of them are prone to start again when some choose to give up their dreams after a long time working on them. At the end of the day, it even takes them longer to succeed in life if they make decisions inadequately at the beginning.
In conclusion, when trying hard for work is one of the factors for credible achievements in life, people should also consider about their goals as carefully as possible to avoid wasting their time.
What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
In several parts of the world, young kids were taught to try hard for any goals they dream of. Although this would be a necessary motivation for children, some argue that this message is also attached to a number of drawbacks.
On the one hand, working hard and being consistent with the goal play a vital role in one’s success. Unless people put effect into their work, they could never have appropriate experience and knowledge to achieve their dreams. Especially, with those who are not talented at or cannot afford to what they choose, they even must try much harder than others. Many millionaires who had to start working hard since they were at their early age because of destitute life is a typical example for it. Therefore, being aware of this will motivate the youth to be patient and work harder for their ambitions.
In contrast, there still are some disadvantages of this idea when some people never have a realistic target. It would be unlikely to achieve an unrealizable dream that is not considered suitable for dreamers at the start because of lack of experience in certain fields. Therefore, some of them are prone to start again when some choose to give up their dreams after a long time working on them. At the end of the day, it even takes them longer to succeed in life if they make decisions inadequately at the beginning.
In conclusion, when trying hard for work is one of the factors for credible achievements in life, people should also consider about their goals as carefully as possible to avoid wasting their time.
Top answer
Your writing is close to native English. However, there are some changes required to make it less awkward and more natural. ) taught to try hard for any goals they dream of.
- Your writing is close to native English.
- However, there are some changes required to make it less awkward and more natural.
- ) taught to try hard for any goals they dream of.
- Although this could would be a necessary motivation for children, some argue that this message also can be detrimental if the goal is utterly impractical.
- attached to a number of drawback s.
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1 Answers
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Your writing is close to native English. However, there are some changes required to make it less awkward and more natural.
In several parts of the world, young kids were (use the present tense.) taught to try hard for any goals they dream of. Although this could would be a ne
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