Please help me review my task 1 writing

The question paper is on this link

http://takeielts.britishcouncil.org/sites/default/files/2018-01/Writing_practice_test_1_IELTS_Academic_questions.pdf

I would very much appreciate it if you point out the weaknesses in my writing style and suggest some ways to improve it.

This is my answer

The charts provide data on the percentage of people having a personal computer in the 2002 – 2010 period and compare the possession of computer by education status between the two years 2002 and 2010.

It is noticeable that there was a substantial increase in the number of people owing a computer between 2002 and 2010. Overall, computer ownership rose in conjunction with education level, and the figures for 2010 were significantly higher than those for 2002.

Starting in 2002 at a comparatively high level of 55%, the proportion of people possessing a computer went up steadily throughout the 8 – year period. In 2010, it was approximately 20% higher than its starting point.

The possession of personal computer was evidently interrelated to the amount of training people received, as it went up dramatically when the level of education increased. Only 15% of people without a high school diploma in 2002 had a computer, whereas the figure was 30 percent higher after nearly a decade. Computer ownership also showed a 20 to 30 percent gap between the two years for the education level of high school graduate, college, bachelor’s degree and postgraduate qualification. Finally, it is noteworthy that almost 100% of postgraduates got a computer on their own in 2010.