Please help me review my Ielts Writing Task 2 answer. Topic 'Crime'

Research suggests that the majority of criminals who are sent to prison commit crimes when set free. What are the reasons? What can be done to solve the problem?

My answer:

It has been proven that most prisoners break the law again once they are released. There are several reasons for this high rate of re-offenders; however, the issue can be resolved by some solutions.

There are several plausible factors that might explain the high recidivism rate among released offenders, some of which are a lack of strict retribution and difficulties in re-entering society. Once an individual commits a serious crime, he should be given a custodial sentence that he deserves. However, if the jury is too lenient, the offender may not be rehabilitated from a short-term sentence and break the law again when released. Some prisoners also experience significant challenges trying to re-enter their society because of the negative perception that society has towards them. For example, lack of employment opportunity due to criminal history often leads ex-prisoners to an insufficient life and eventually they have no choice but to continue with their misdeeds such as burglary, robbery or shoplifting.

Considering some contributing factors that prompt ex-prisoners to commit crimes again, our government and community should take some actions to tackle the problem. Firstly, stricter retribution should be imposed to act as a deterrent that prevents re-offenses. Secondly, the government should increase funding into reintegration training for released prisoners that teach them vocational skills such as financial management. Moreover, government support should also be given to non-governmental organizations who help alleviate negative attitude of our community towards ex-prisoners and provide them with job opportunities.

In conclusion, there are some major reasons for re-offense like not tough enough punishment or discrimination towards ex-prisoners. These problems can be solved by increasing time in prison and funding into reintegration support.

Thank you!