Please Help Me Review My IELTS Writing Task 2

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

With an upward trajectory of technology, everything seems to become more convenient and easier to access. This also has a lot of effects on the community not only in the working environment but also in children study's behaviors. Thousand of people can now do business through the internet and children can learn their lesson through some online platform like Zoom or Teams without going to work. Even though this intention still considers to be diminished the sense of communication between people. I am largely in agreement that this is the best choice that we could make during the covid pandemic.
On the one hand, online learning help students improve their self-learning ability. First of all, in the conventional method at school, students have to be always take note as quickly as possible of the teacher's explanation without understanding clearly the lessons that possibly lead to a problem of learning by rote. With study online, students can easily record their lessons to listen again and make notes in their own words. Therefore, it will improve the narrow insight of students and long memories not just by learning by heart. For example, in Viet Nam, many high school students graduate with honor degrees but when you ask them about basic knowledge of the secondary school, they still take time to remember or just completely forget about what they study during 4 years,
On the other hand, work from home can balance your work and life. Firstly, you can make your own schedule for the time your work, time for your family and yourself. This will tie the relation between parents and children in one family and reduce stress from travel to the office. Moreover, your balance will be safe with less money spent on transportation, also you can avoid money on fine when traveling on road. Without using fewer vehicles will protect the environment, for instance, eliminates emissions from personal's vehicles.
In conclusion, although it still has some drawbacks, the merits of this solution during the pandemic are out of the disadvantages. I think this trend would be more popular in the future so we should prepare the ability to adapt to it.