Please help me review my IELTS Writing task 1. Thank you very much.

Question

The graph below shows how money was spent on different forms of entertainment over a five year period.Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.The chart shows how money was used for various entertainment purposes in the given years.Generally, the amount of money used in Asia was the lowest whereas that of the United States was the highest in both years. The figures of money paid on cinema and video were the lowest in both years for all three countries.In Asia, the money paid on television always remained lower than that of publishing, about 25 and nearly 48 in 1995 and 2000, respectively.In European countries and America, this trend was no longer applicable, which means the television field received a little bit higher amount of money than the publishing one. The gap between these two figures was hardly seen in Europe since it was only approximately 3 in either years while in the US, the gap accounted for about 50 in the year 1995 and just more than 25 in the year 2000.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The chart (What kind of chart? There are many kinds of charts. - pie chart, Gantt chart, eye chart, or flow chart) shows how money was used (That is not correct. What is plotted?) for various entertainment purposes in the given years. (What years? How many years? Your first paragraph is very incomplete. You never mentioned the geographic areas or the number of categories of spending. Describe the figure and all its aspects, so the reader can understand the information that you are writing about. What are the units of measure?)

Generally, the amount of money used in Asia (You never mentioned Asia in the description.) was the lowest whereas that of the United States was the highest in both years. (You have not told the reader what these years are.) The figures (wrong word. There is no expression "figure of money") of money paid on (wrong expression) cinema and video were the lowest in both years for all three countries. (Asia and Europe are not countries.)

In Asia, the money paid on television always remained lower than that of publishing, about 25 (Missing units) and nearly 48 in 1995 and 2000, respectively. (You need one paragraph for details and comparisons, not two.)

In European countries and America, this trend (You cannot see a trend with two data points ) was no longer applicable, which means ~~the~~ television ~~field~~ (wrong expression) received a ~~little bit~~ slightly higher amount of money than ~~the~~ publishing ~~one~~. The gap between these two figures was hardly seen in Europe since it was only approximately 3 in either years while in the US, the gap accounted for about 50 in the year 1995 and just more than 25 in the year 2000.

Please review my advice for Task 1 essays.

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

AlpheccaStars · Answer

This is not a good practice test because it does not give you the units of measure. I found the original chart from the source.

Do not use practice tests that are defective like this one.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Example essay:

The stacked bar chart compares three world regions (Asia, Europe and the US) in terms of their expenditures on entertainment in two years, 1995 and 2000. The stacks are divided into five categories of entertainment: cinema, video, music, publishing and television. Units of measure are billions of dollars.

Overall, each region spent more in 2000 than they did in 1995. The amounts spent were largest in the US, followed by Europe and then Asia. The rankings did not change over the five years.

In detail, the majority of the money was used for two categories, television and publishing. In the US, it amounted to $160 and $220 billion in 1995 and 2000, respectively. By comparison, the values for Europe were $105 and $75, and for Asia, $75 and $50 billion. This pattern reflects the relative amounts of total spending. In 2000, the totals were $257, $131 and $110, for these three regions. There was relatively little money allocated to the other three categories, but music was larger than video, and cinema was the lowest of the five categories.

Please help me review my IELTS Writing task 1. Thank you very much.

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