Please help me review my essay.This is my writing task2 in the IELTS exam.

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TASK 2: QuestionSome people believe that the advent of economical air travel has been very beneficial by making international travel more accessible, while others argue that it has had a very negative impact. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.Answer:People have different views about whether the advent of economical air travel is negative or positive. I believe that it bestows a myriad of benefits for people than the drawbacks it has.On the one hand, there are several reasons why some individuals say that the development of economical air travel having drawbacks. The first reason is that the tickets of planes are more expensive than other transportations. For example, instead of travelling by cars, buses, trains with lower price tickets, they have to pay extra money such as taxes, insurance cost, and other expense that make a massive amount of money. Another justification is that the flight delayed is one of the deleterious disadvantages of plane travel. A delay of just a few munites is not necessarily severe, but a long delay can force you to miss the business meeting.Despite the above arguments, economical air travel also bestows a myriad of benefits. Firstly, travelling by planes is much faster than other vehicles. For instance, people can go around the world in a short time instead of using cars or trains. Secondly, using planes contribute to environmental protection. This is because, cars motorbikes, trains, and other transportations emitting emission into the air that leads to air contamination and global warming.In conclusion, there are some possible reasons to demonstrate drawbacks of commercial air travel, but it seems to me that the more disadvantages it has, the more benefits it brings to people.

Clive · Accepted Answer

This is what you were asked to write about.

Some people believe that the advent of economical air travel has been very beneficial by making international travel more accessible, while others argue that it has had a very negative impact.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

__________________________________________

Now let's consider your concluding paragraph. My comments are in bold. I don't think your conclusion does what you were asked to do.

In conclusion, there are some possible reasons to demonstrate drawbacks of commercial air travel,<<<< This is an oddly worded sentence. I think you mean simply 'there are some drawbacks to commercial air travel'.

I note also that you were asked to consider 'economical' air travel. which means 'cheap' air travel. But you seem to be talking about 'commercial air travel'. 'Commercial' is not synonymous with 'economical' or 'cheap'.

but it seems to me that the more disadvantages it has, the more benefits it brings to people. You seem to be saying that it would be good to have many, many disadvantages because this would create many, many benefits. I don't understand your logic here.

Khang Lão · Answer

thanks for your comments, I think I had serious mistakes. I rewrote it again. Please help me review it again.

People have different views about whether the advent of economical air travel is negative or positive. I believe that it bestows a myriad of benefits for people than the drawbacks it has.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why some individuals say that the development of economical air travel having drawbacks. The first reason is that the extra money of flights is more expensive than other transportations. For example, instead of travelling by cars, buses, trains with lower price tickets, they have to pay extra money such as taxes, insurance cost, and other expense that make a massive amount of money for a flight. Another justification is that the flight delayed is one of the deleterious disadvantages of plane travel. A delay of just a few munites is not necessarily severe, but a long delay can force you to miss the business meeting.

Despite the above arguments, economical air travel also bestows a myriad of benefits. Firstly, travelling by planes is much faster than other vehicles. For instance, people can go around the world in a short time instead of using cars or trains. Secondly, using planes contribute to environmental protection. This is because, cars motorbikes, trains, and other transportations emitting emission into the air that leads to air contamination and global warming.

In conclusion, it seems to me that although there are some drawbacks of the economical air travel, it has a lot of advantages for people.

Please help me review my essay.This is my writing task2 in the IELTS exam.

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