Please Help Me Review My Essay IELTS Writing Task 2. Thanks A Lot!

Question

Topic: Advertisements are becoming more and more common in everyday life. Is it a positive or negative development?A growing number of producers are deciding to use advertisement products become a part of strategic sales. While there are several advantages to advertise, I believe that overall the drawback are more significant.Admittedly, the advertisement has several benefits. Firstly, advertising is a key part of modern business. A new and high-quality product is produced to market but customers do not know about them. Advertising could introduce that product with some eye-catching images and make them become popular in the market. For example, the price of a coca-cola can include 59,8% marketing and advertising expense. Secondly, without advertising, we would have less choice. If the market has only one product, it leads to the monopoly and makes increased price when buyers consume many that product. When there is competition between many products, consumers has better choice for their family.Despite the positive impacts mentioned above, I believe that advertising outweighed by the potential problems. Firstly, children can easily be influenced by advertisements. When children watch some advertisements are not unrealistic and exaggerative, they could be mimic that advertisements result in significant consequence in their mind. Secondly, advertising manipulates people. It aims to persuade people about the function of products but we could not know exactly about them or even advertisers talk to function does not have in that goods. It is lead to results in purchasers could buy unsuitable commodities.In conclusion, advertising is an integral part of the creative industry but it impacts could lead to the negative influence on some people.

Anhba27 · Accepted Answer

A growing number of producers are deciding to use advertisement products become a part of strategic sales. (That sentence is ungrammatical. It does not make sense. What are the instructions for this essay?) While there are several advantages to advertise, I believe that overall the drawback is more significant.

Admittedly, an adverti

Admittedly, an advertisement has several benefits. First, advertising is a key part of modern business. A new and high-quality product is produced to market but customers do not know about them. Advertising could introduce that product with some eye-catching images and make them become popular in the market. For example, the price of a coca-cola can include 59,8% marketing and advertising expense. Second, without advertising, we would have less choice. If the market has only one product, it leads to the monopoly and makes increased price when buyers consume many that product. When there is competition between many products, consumers have a better choice for their family.

Despite these advantages, I believe that advertising outweighed by the potential problems. First, children can easily be influenced by advertisements. When children watch some advertisements are not unrealistic and exaggerative, they could be mimic that advertisements result in significant consequence in their mind. Second, advertising manipulates people. It aims to persuade most of the people about the function of products but we could not know exactly about them or even advertisers talk to function does not have in that goods. It is lead to results in purchasers could buy unsuitable commodities.

In conclusion, advertising is an integral part of the creative industry but it impacts could lead to the negative influence on some people.

~~250 words~~

AlpheccaStars · Answer

A growing number of producers are deciding to use advertisement products become a part of strategic sales. (That sentence is ungrammatical. It does not make sense. What are the instructions for this essay?) While there are several advantages to advertise, I believe that overall the drawback is more significant.

Admittedly, an adverti

Admittedly, an advertisement has several benefits. First, advertising is a key part of modern business. A new and high-quality product is produced ~~to market~~ but customers do not know about them. Advertising could introduce that product with some eye-catching images and make them become popular in the market. For example, (wrong usage -what follows is not an example of your point.) the price of a coca-cola can include 59,8% marketing and advertising expense. (wrong usage) Second, without advertising, we would have less choice. If the market has only one product, it leads to the monopoly and makes increased price when buyers consume many that product. When there is competition between many products, consumers have a better choice for their family.

Despite these advantages, I believe that advertising outweighed by (ungrammatical) the potential problems. First, children can easily be influenced by advertisements. When children watch some advertisements are (ungrammatical) not unrealistic and exaggerative, they could be mimic that advertisements result in significant consequence in their mind. (I do not understand the previous sentence.) Second, advertising manipulates people. It aims to persuade most of the people about the function of products but we could not know exactly about them or even advertisers talk to function does not have in that goods. (I do not understand the yellow highlighted part.) It is lead to results in purchasers could buy unsuitable commodities. (ungrammatical)

In conclusion, advertising is an integral part of the creative industry but it impacts could lead to the negative influence on some people.

Anhba27 · Answer

Hi guys, I'm sorry because I forgot the topic of the essay.

Topic: Advertisements are becoming more and more common in everyday life. Is it a positive or negative development?

I modified some mistakes but I cannot repair all of them. Please help me, thanks a lot!

- A growing number of producers are deciding to use advertisement products become a part of strategic sales => A growing number of producers tend to use advertisement products become a part of strategic sales. Therefore, advertisements became a trend of marketing products.

- them? (what's wrong?)

- For example, the price of a coca-cola can include 59,8% marketing and advertising expense => For example, the price of a coca-cola can include 59,8% marketing and advertising expense so that coca cola usually sell many products.

- many that product => that product

- I believe that advertising outweighed by (ungrammatical) the potential problems => The risks are vastly outweighed by the potential benefits of advertisements.

- When children watch some advertisements are (ungrammatical) not unrealistic and exaggerative => When children watch some exaggerative advertisements,

- they could be mimic that advertisements result in significant consequence in their mind => (I want to talk about the consequence of advertisements for children but I cannot describe my idea, please help me.)

- even advertisers talk to function does not have in that goods => even advertisers talk to about unrealistic function of products.

- It is lead to results in purchasers could buy unsuitable commodities. => It leads to results in purchasers buying unsuitable commodities.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

anhba27A growing number of producers tend to use advertisement products become a part of strategic sales.

That sentence does not parse correctly.

A growing number of producers (Subject) tend to use (verb phrase) advertisement products (object) --> This is a complete sentence. What follows is ungrammatical. It makes no sense.

(what is the subject of "become"?) become (verb) a part (complement) of strategic sales.

A growing number of producers tend to use advertising to increase their sales.

You can use a non-finite clause.

"advertisement products" is not a natural collocation.

anhba27Therefore, advertisements became a trend of marketing products.

That does not make sense. Maybe you mean this:

It has become necessary to use advertisements for marketing new products and developing brand recognition.

anhba27- them? (what's wrong?)

A new and high-quality product is produced ~~to market~~ but customers do not know about them.

"Them" refers to "product". It is incorrect because "Product" is singular, and "them" is plural.

A new and high-quality product is introduced into the market but customers do not know about it.

New and high-quality products are introduced into the market but customers do not know about them.

anhba27- For example, the price of a coca-cola can include 59,8% marketing and advertising expense => For example, the price of a coca-cola can include 59,8% marketing and advertising expense so that coca cola usually sell many products.

For example, nearly sixty percent of the price of a bottle of Coca-Cola is marketing and advertising expense, (Where did you get this number?) and forty percent is the material costs, manufacturing, distribution, retail profit, and company profit.

The following does not make any sense.

so that coca cola usually sell many products

Do you mean that the Coca-Cola Company has to sell a lot of coke to make a profit? Or that the Coca-Cola Company has to sell other products to pay for all the costs of marketing of the soft drink? Or that Coke is very popular because of all the advertising?

anhba27- many that product => that product

If the market has only one product, it leads to the monopoly and (???) makes increased price when buyers consume ~~many~~ that product.

That does not fix the sentence.

If the market has only one product in a particular category, it leads to a monopoly. A company which has a monopoly can increase its prices as long as customers are willing to buy its products.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

anhba27- I believe that advertising outweighed by (ungrammatical) the potential problems => The risks are vastly outweighed by the potential benefits of advertisements.

Despite these advantages, I believe that advertising outweighed by (ungrammatical) the potential problems.

Despite these advantages, I believe that advertising has some negative side-effects.

anhba27When children watch some exaggerative advertisements,

anhba27- they could be mimic that advertisements result in significant consequence in their mind => (I want to talk about the consequence of advertisements for children but I cannot describe my idea, please help me.)

When children watch some advertisements are (ungrammatical) not unrealistic and exaggerative, they could be mimic that advertisements result in significant consequence in their mind.

Advertisements show unrealistic situations, such as a football team drinking sugary soft drinks after winning a big game, and very happy children having fun with friends eating Kentucky Fried Chicken. When children see these images, they imagine themselves being a winner and having fun. So they drink too many sugary soft drinks, and eat too much fast food.

anhba27- even advertisers talk to function does not have in that goods => even advertisers talk to about unrealistic function of products.

No. That is not good English.

Advertisers do not tell the truth about their products. For example, a fast food meal has a lot of sugar, salt and fat, which is unhealthy in the long term.

anhba27- It is lead to results in purchasers could buy unsuitable commodities. => It leads to results in purchasers buying unsuitable commodities.

No. A commodity is a bulk wholesale unrefined product such as oil, wheat, coffee or sugar.

Advertising encourages people to buy things that they do not need, or products that are not good for their health.

Anhba27 · Answer

Oh, thank you so much. I will try to improve English.

Please Help Me Review My Essay IELTS Writing Task 2. Thanks A Lot!

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