Please help me review my essay.

Question

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people.Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?One has to achieve numerous milestones in a lifetime, one of which is buying a house - more or less perceived as the most prominent feat. Engenders behind this perception, including both intangible and tangible values, will be delved into in this disquisition, along with my evaluation of the impacts of this occurrence.The reason why many people place the practice of owning their own property on a pedestal, higher than renting, can be rationalised into a sense of stability and investment. What homeownership can provide its owner is control over multiple aspects, from maintenance to better financial management; these are utterly absent in renting. As a result, homeowners get a sense of stability against adverse events, such as inflations, rising rentals, and relocation. A property, on the other hand, is an excellent investment, which is particularly true in urban centres with high levels of population density. Extensively enormous migration flows from rural areas to metropolises in search of jobs and better living standards has been driving real estate prices skywards; this opens up lifetime opportunities for many to significantly change their life. Hence, even if needed to apply for a loan, many still prioritise purchasing a home above leasing.The question of whether this belief is positive or negative is entirely subjective. A property is an asset if the owner has enough financial power, offering him an array of benefits from monthly passive income from rental to a marginal return of investment in future sales. This is why the majority of investors consider real estate as the safest and most potential channel, dividing an eminent portion of their portfolios on this sector. On the contrary, an apartment can be a burden for young adults and middle-class families; in a study, it takes an average young American around 6.5 years only to save for a 20 per cent mortgage down payment, and a portion of 30% to 60% from monthly wages in another 20 to 25 years to repay the loan/the remaining instalments. In this case, equity turns into a liability rather than an asset, possibly stressing and deteriorating the life quality of borrowers over an extended period.In conclusion, it is undeniable that the benefits of owning a house have promoted its importance and favoured it over renting; however, I personally think positive or negative impacts of ownership are conditioned to aspects of wages, expenses and personal capability.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

You wrote almost 400 words. The minimum is 250. You will not lose points for writing more; however, longer essays generally do not get high band scores. And there are many reasons for this.

First, the longer the essay, the more chances you have to make errors, and you will lose points for each of those errors.

Second, your writing may be repetitious and wordy. This will cost you points in task response or coherence and cohesion.

Third, you will likely stray off-topic, and examiners will deduct points if you are not focused on the topic. Do not write about things that are not specifically given in the task. You will also be tempted to use weak or unsound arguments or even lose your direction and contradict yourself. Develop just two or three argument points with examples and personal experiences. It is much better to have two well-developed and fleshed-out argument points than to have four which are just individual separate statements.

Fourth, you will spend a lot of time writing, and not have sufficient time left over to proofread your essay. You will miss the silly mistakes, which everyone makes, and that lowers your score.

Fifth, pity the examiners who have to read all the IELTS essays individually. There are hundreds of them. If they read your long essay when they are tired at the end of the day, they will score extra hard and not be very generous when scoring.

Sixth, you will not have enough time for Task 1, and get a lower score there. You should allow 40 minutes for task and 20 minutes for Task 1. The word counts are designed so that you have ample time for brainstorming and then writing the two parts.

Aim to write 270-300 words for Task 2. Practice writing a lot of essays so you get a feeling for the length.
You can use this word counter:

https://www.ieltsscore.com/word-counter/

AlpheccaStars · Answer

One has to achieve certain ~~numerous~~ milestones in a lifetime, one of which is buying a house - more or less perceived as the most prominent (not a good word here.) feat. (That is not a natural word here. A feat is something nearly miraculous, that few people ever achieve. On the contrary, some families buy several houses and then sell them as they move from one place to another.) Engenders (wrong word) behind this perception, including both intangible and tangible values, will be delved into (That is very inappropriate. You are not going to write an entire book, I hope.) in this disquisition, (I have never used this word. It is exceedingly rare and not conducive to clear communication, which is the objective of Task 2) ) along with my evaluation of the impacts of this occurrence. (That makes no sense at all. Do not refer to your essay, your writing or your paragraphs. Instead answer the prompt: Is this a positive or negative situation? The examiner expects an answer to the question and then some good arguments in the body paragraphs that support your answer.)

The reason why many people place ~~the practice of~~ (verbose.) owning their own home ~~property~~ on a pedestal, higher than renting, can be rationalised into (wrong collocation) a sense of stability and investment. What homeownership can provide its owner is control over their living arrangements ~~multiple aspects~~, from maintenance to better financial management; these are utterly absent in renting. As a result, homeowners get a sense of stability against adverse events, such as inflations, (wrong form) rising rentals, and eviction. ~~relocation~~. (wrong word) A property, on the other hand, is an excellent investment, which is particularly true in urban centres with a high ~~levels of~~ (verbose) population density. Extensively enormous (very unnatural) migration flows from rural areas to metropolises in search of jobs and better living standards has (wrong verb form) been driving real estate prices skywards; this opens up lifetime opportunities (I think you mean a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.) for many to significantly change their life. Hence, even if they need to apply for a loan, many still prioritise purchasing a home above leasing.

~~The question of whether this belief is positive or negative is entirely subjective.~~ (You have to answer the prompt with your own opinion. Do not take both sides. This is not an advantages/disadvantages essay. ) A property is an asset if the owner has enough financial resources ~~power~~, offering him an array of benefits from monthly passive income from rental (Off-topic. It is not about buying a property to rent to others. It is about the place where you live.) to a marginal return of investment in future sales. This is why the majority of investors consider real estate as the safest and most potential channel, dividing an eminent (unnatural. Besides, it is off-topic. The question is not investing strategies. Focus directly on the topic..) portion of their portfolios on this sector. On the contrary, an apartment can be a burden for young adults and middle-class families; in a study, it takes an average young American around 6.5 years only to save for a 20 per cent mortgage down payment, and a portion of 30% to 60% (unrealistically high) from monthly wages in another 20 to 25 years to repay the loan/~~the remaining instalments.~~ In this case, equity (wrong word) turns into a liability rather than an asset, possibly stressing and deteriorating the life quality (wrong phrase) of borrowers over an extended period. (The last part is off-topic.)

In conclusion, it is undeniable that the benefits of owning a house have promoted its importance and favoured it over renting; however, I personally think positive or negative impacts of ownership are conditioned to aspects of wages, expenses and personal capability. (You will lose a lot of points because you did not answer the question. Task 2 is not a detailed analysis on a topic. It asks for an answer to a question, and then arguments that support your answer.)

Many students think that if they use high-level vocabulary, they will get a higher band score. This is a false impression. One of the four scoring criteria for Task 2 is "Lexical Resource." A student with a high level of lexical resource not only knows many words, but they know how to use them. Here are the descriptors:

Band score 7:

- uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision
- uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation
- may produce occasional errors in word choice, spelling and/or word formation

Band score 6:

- uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task
- attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy
- makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation, but they do not impede communication

The issue with your essay is that you make too many errors in word choice and usage. You are trying to use very rare and sophisticated words and phrases. They only serve to impede communication.

You did not answer the prompt.

You strayed off-topic quite often, and that affected the cohesion and coherence. I could not figure out where you were going because you never gave an answer to the question.

Task 2 is all about clear, logical and persuasive communication.

Please help me review my essay.

In some countries, `owning a home` rather than `renting one` is very important for people.

Why might this be the case?

Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

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