Please help me review my essay

When a new town is planned, it is more important to develop public parks and sports facilities than shopping centres for people to spend their free time in. To what extent do agree or disagree?

People have different views as to the significance of public parks and sports facilities than shopping centes when constructring a new building. I personally believe that these facilities are equally important and they should be constructed at the same time.

There are two reasons why public parks and sports facilities play a vital role for people in their leisure time. First, people can walk around parks after work or study in order to relieve stress and expand their social network. For example, people can immerse in the fresh air and peaceful atmosphere and can talk to people with different social backgronds, helping them recharge their energy. Second, practicing sports in leisure time helps people improve health and boost immune system. This acts as a preventive path for diseases and therefore they can lead a healthier live.

Constructing shopping malls can also bring a variety of benefits for residents living in a new town. One of the benefits is that they supply consumer goods with premium quality and at resonable prices. This is because these malls just buy goods from reputable and giants suppliers. Another benefit is that they can provide a diverse range of commodities, so customers may find it easier to buy all things that best suit their needs. As a results, people can be less time consuming when they need to buy foods and other necessary things for their families.

In conclusion, public parks, sport facilities and shopping malls bring a wide range of benefits for dwellers in a new town, so they are equally important and should be considered as a top priority to be constructed.