Please help me rank ( out of 9.0) and correct this. I self-study for Ielts test. Thank you :)

Topic:

The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Write at least 150 words.

Answer:

The change in rates of tourists visiting four Brighton destinations in England is illustrated in the line graph above.

The first impression is that Pavilion was the most popular among all. While more visitors favored Pavilion and Pier, fewer people chose Festival and Art Gallery over time.

In particular, there was a rather dramatic trend in the percentage of visitors to Pavilion. A double increase from 24% in 1980 to 48% in 1995 was followed by a pretty significant drop to almost 30% in 2010. Despite sharing a similar tendency in general, Pier witnessed its rate fluctuate continuously every five years until 2000 when the figure rose nonstop for 10 years.

On the other hand, in 1985, Art Gallery became the second tourist-favor attraction which had the rate at 38%. From that point onward, the number suffered a sudden decrease, a subtle improvement, and a gradual dropping trend toward 2010. It was shown in the graph that there was the slightest change in the percentage of people visiting festivals as a tourist destination. This went down a little to 25% from 30% in 1980-1995 and then went up not as much to 27% at the end.