Please help me proofread my college essay

Hi there! This is my essay for university application. Please help me proofread it! Thanks!

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”- Our teacher asked us - sixth-graders - one by one. Teachers, doctors, and dancers – these were the common professions named by the female sixth-graders in my class. Meanwhile, my mind was racing, “what do I want to say?”, when my name was called flashes of memories came to my mind. The first flashback was when helping my father to repair the light bulbs in our house, I can still recall extreme excitement and curiosity about how everything works. The second flashback was a scene I recall from my early teenage year, taking the batteries out from my toys to illuminate the light bulbs, dreaming one day to invent something of my own. After these flashbacks, I stood up and said “engineer”, followed by a short pause my classmates laughed. In XXXX, most of the women pursue careers in medicine, education, or the last option is to become a housewife. But, stereotypes that engineering programs are not “suitable” for females influence the career decisions XXXX women make. It is not acceptable that people’s dreams and career aspirations can be affected by social and cultural barriers. In my country, engineering is considered a masculine job and only 16-20% of females choose to pursue engineering programs. The idea that it is “too difficult” for women is extremely common in XXXX. Young girls do not even consider the STEM fields when choosing a prospective profession due to gender stereotypes. For this reason, many do not think about continuing their education after high school. Another reason is the lack of support from parents and school, also the absence of female role models in the STEM field does not give incentive to the younger female generation. As an XXXX young woman, I aspire to be an example to all the girls in my country and other developing countries by pursuing a career in a STEM-related field. Through my example, I would like to represent that STEM is not gender-specific and encourage more women to enroll in engineering programs as well as other STEM-based majors.

My two older sisters have studied in XXXX and one of them obtained a Master’s Degree (MS) from XXXX University. I would like to follow her steps and explore XXXX and its rich cultural heritage while receiving a world-class education.

My mother tongue is XXXX and I grew up learning XXXX and English. My family always said, “The more languages you know, the more opportunities you will have”. This phrase captivated my attention and after living in the U.S., receiving education entirely in English for a whole academic year, I developed an interest in different cultures and languages. I learned German and Chinese, and I am now interested in learning XXXX. If I were accepted to XXXX University, I would learn XXXX ( a sport).

I am strongly dedicated to bringing diversity to XXXX University. I would be very delighted to volunteer and participate in language exchange clubs and represent my country, XXXX language, cuisine, costume, and everything related to my country. I want to learn and share my knowledge and help my community by inspiring all the young girls out there who are scared to chase their dreams in STEM-related fields. I believe that the next Lillian Gilbreth or Edith Clarke, who inspired me to pursue STEM fields, can be discovered in XXXX and I aspire to be the one.