Please help me in my Ielts writing task 2 and give me a band thanks in advance

As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is believed that enterprises have not only an aim of generating income but also social obligations. Personally, I completely concur with this view.

On the one hand, the main reason for running businesses is to make a profit. Firstly, entrepreneurs promote their businesses with an attempt to earning for a living. Apparently, salaries enable them to afford their essentials, thus they adopt different tacts to augment their income as much as possible. For instance, if businesses don’t break even, bosses find it struggling to continue their work, let alone care about society. Secondly, businessmen need money for their companies’ overheads. In order to boost sales, employers have to hire a multitude of employees, pay for rents for their work offices, give a large investment for their products’ qualities and make amendments for companies’ amenities. Therefore, high revenues are of utmost importance for businesses.

On the other hand, businesses cannot deny their role in society. In fact, the lucrative profits of them somehow should be partly allocated on charitable activities. As we are living in the world full of compassion and sympathy, opulent organisations and companies have shoulder social responsibilities which help penurious people have better lives. Futhermore, enterprises should operate in a environmental- friendly system, which is the most highly appreciated way to devote to our society. For example, factories should treating industrial waste before emit it to the environment, there is less pollution and humans’ heath are improved.

In conclusion, I affirm that beside the aim of running businesses for money, businessmen should do wonder for our society.