Please help me improve my writing task 1

Question

The table shows changes in the past and predicted population of four countries namely Australia, Canada, New Zealand and the US from 1990 to 2050.

Overall, there was an upward trend in the number of people living in these four countries and the populations are all expected to increase in the future. Whereas the United States is the most populated nation, the number of New Zealand’s citizens remains quite low.

In 1990, there were 249.9 million people living in the USA and this figure rose significantly to 320.6 million 30 years later. Meanwhile, the population of New Zealand only experienced a slight increase of 0.9 million. From 1920 to 2020, the number of people living in Canada increased to 36.9 million, and a rise of 10.3 million was witnessed during this period, which was roughly two times that of Australia.

The United States is expected to have 349.0 million residents in 2050, which is a growth of 29 million people from 2020. Whereas the number of Australians is projected to be 26 million, which is about two-thirds of the Canadians, the population of New Zealand remains under 5 million in 2050.(191)

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The table shows changes It does not show the changes, but absolute numbers.) in the past and predicted population of four countries namely Australia, Canada, New Zealand and the US from 1990 to 2050. (There are only five columns. The reader has no idea which years are in the table. The leads to poor coherence and cohesion in the essay.)

Better opening:

The table lists the population size of Australia, Canada, New Zealand and the US in 1990, 1993, 2000, 2020 and a prediction for 2050.

Overall, there was an upward trend in the populations of ~~number of people living in~~ these four countries and ~~the populations~~ they (Pronouns are much better than synonyms.) are all expected to increase between 2020 and 2050. ~~in the future~~. Whereas the United States is the most populous ~~populated~~ nation, followed by Canada, about one tenth its size, the number of New Zealand’s citizens remains quite low.

The essay is far more impressive when you do some very simple primary school arithmetic, and compare the relative percentage growth.

For example, 1990-2020 is a 30-year period and 2020-2050 is also a 30 year period. Are these countries growing faster or slower if you compare the percentage differences for these two time spans?

Now it would knock the socks off the examiner if you wrote about that, and not just copy numbers from the table to your essay.

The change in the first span is in the range 26-29%, compared to only 6% -14% in the second. That is a very astute finding.

In 1990, there were 249.9 million people living in the USA and ~~this figure~~ it rose by 28% ~~significantly~~ to 320.6 million 30 years later. ~~Meanwhile, the population of~~ New Zealand ~~only experienced~~ (Wrong word. Numbers do not experience anything.) had a similar percentage increase (26%), but relative to a much smaller base, from 3.4 to 4.3 million. From 1920 to 2020, the number of people living in Canada increased from 28.5 to 36.9 million, and a rise of 10.3 million, or 29%. ~~was witnessed~~ (Wrong word. .) ~~during this period, which was roughly two times that of Australia.~~ Australia grew from 17.7 to 22.7 million, the same percentage change as Canada, 29%.

The forecast for the next 30 years, 2020-2050 shows a lower growth rate. The United States is expected to have 349.0 million residents in 2050, which is a growth of 29 million, or 9% over 2020. Whereas the number of Australians is projected to be 26 million, which is about two-thirds of the Canadians, the population of New Zealand also grows 9%, but the total remains under 5 million ~~in 2050.~~

Please help me improve my writing task 1

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