Please help me Ielts writing

Question: Zoos are sometimes seen as necessary but poor alternative to a natural environment. It is necessary to keep animals in zoos. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Answer:

It is true that the natural environmental living of many animal species has narrowed in the recent years. Therefore, zoos are considered as alternative places for animals. Although there are still the restrictions of such places for living of species, I personally believe that in current condition, zoos are appropriate places for animals.

Admittedly, a zoological park cannot replace perfectly for a natural environment because of its drawbacks. The first reason is the limitation of living space. It is difficult for managers to organize a zoo having sufficient space as a natural environment since they are restricted funding and land to do that. Another reason is that safaris are not able to replicate fully the weather conditions in the wild. For example, penguins in safaris certainly live in conditions without ice as the South Pole. As a result, numerous animal species lose the habits of living in the natural environment such as hunting ability or even fertility.

However, despite the drawbacks above, I would argue that there are strong reasons why establishing zoos is necessary. Firstly, safari parks are places where keep animals safety before the hunting of man. Actually, a number of animal species are at the high risk of extinction due to not only the narrowing of living space but also mainly by the illegal hunting of people. Thus, generating an alternative habitat for animals, despite restrictions, is still an appropriate choice in the world today. Secondly, zoos have positive effects on educating people to enhance awareness in protecting wild animals. Being attractive places to many children, especially children, safaris many help people understand more clearly about the life of animals. They will respect animals more, and they easily attend to the animal protection activities. Finally, zoos are also places for scientists to research in preserving and developing the rare animals.

In conclusion, establishing parks or gardens to maintain and collect animals is necessary in society today. Hence, managers should put attention to building and improving more zoos.