Please help me grade this IELTS task 2 academic

Some people feel that boarding school (where students live at the school during the term) are excellent option for children, while other people disagree. Consider both side of the debate and reach a conclusion.

It is often said that boarding schools are beneficial to children. However, this essay disagree as there are demerits to this schooling system.
On the one hand, those who support this kind of institution cite various merits that can be brought to a child. These range from instilling a sense of discipline to raising a child's independence. For instance, students in boarding schools have to keep their living area in hygenic conditions at all time, and they must get up early to attend their courses on time, all of which contribute to this strand of development that adds greatly to a child's all-round education.
By contrast, opponents of this view point out that boarding schools habour detrimental hazards. As children rarely go home during week days, they might suffer from the feeling of homesick and thus emotionally withdraw themselves from connecting with their peers, which can result in isolation. Moreover, these outcasts are more likely to be subjected to bullying, which can be fatal. For example, the Vietnamese Ministry of Education released an appalling report stating that there was 12% of students in boarding school commited suicide due to bullying in 2020.
In conclusion, although some argue that boarding schools can develop a child's disciplinary and independent traits, this essay strongly disagree as the down sides to this are children's fatality and emotional hinderance