Please help me grade and correct this essay

An increasing number of advertisements on TV aim at children. What are the effects of television advertising? Should television advertising be controlled?

The rapid accumulation of succinctly eye-catching advertisements has become a heated topic of controversy, especially when it aims at immature children. From my perception. I accept that would this trend may bring countless drawbacks and it also needs to be censored carefully before being announced on television.

It is irrefutable that advertisements on TV would offer an admittedly significant blow to binge-shopping children. To begin with, through numerous dazzling and colorful pictures and animation, children are prone to be fascinated and they will require their parents to purchase unnecessary and ineffective products. If parents do not perceive or research carefully before buying, they may buy inadequate quality items which may initiate disastrous diseases utilized by toddlers or juveniles. As a result, this can compromise the family budget in the long term. Besides immature individuals who prefer spending time watching TV than participating in extracurricular activities will find it arduous to intensify their cognitive development and keep their brains active. Consequently, without the advancement of creativity and ingenuity, children will struggle to grow into the dynamic in their growing maturity

Due to admittedly significant blow, I strongly believe that advertisements on televisions should be intervened and ruled by both authorities and parents to deteriorate this urgent and tough problem. In a real sense, the government has to perceive and intervene in censorship of the commercial process of business before they determine to publicize it on television. Moreover, the administration also needs to devise a comprehensive strategy and proper plan that oblige business not to use profanity and misinformation. Additionally, parents should stimulate their children to hang out and take part in outdoor pot activities in order to oblige their physical and mental health. As a result, the immature have the opportunity to accumulate horizon of a knowledge and enrich themselves with soft skills.

In conclusion, I would give credence that numerous children are affected by various deceptive advertising and it is necessary for the government and authorities to minimize this issue through stricter law.