Please help me fix this ielts task 2 and are my ideas good enough

Students leave high school without learning the way how to manage their money.
What are the reasons?
What are the solutions?

One of the most common problems students have to face when graduating from university is to use money effectively. There could be some reasons for this and some solutions which I believe they can overcome these problems.

Firstly, while some students do their part-time job to earn money, the others still depend on their parents ‘s pension. Therefore they use money unwisely without thinking how to use it in an effective way. As a result, students are on a tight budget even get into debt which makes students have to ask parents for more pension to meet their demands. Secondly, there are various things which make students worry such as studying, friends, daily tools… especially tuition fee. Therefore they can't be interested in the management of money so they keep waiting for money from parents.

In my view, some solutions may be carried out to solve this problem. At the beginning, students should apply for some soft- skill classes which teach them how to use money and other necessary skills. Secondly, they have to be independent on financial problems which means they stop asking for money. Instead, they should find a job to cover their everyday needs. Thirdly, making a lists relating to things you have spent your money on so that you can control your money easily. If students didn’t manage their money well, it would become an enormous burden for students

In conclusion, using money wisely is one of the most imperative skills which is essential for social life students have to learn before graduating.

thank you for fixing my task.