Please help me fix the writing task 1: test 1 of Cambridge 15

Question

The bar chart depicts the consequences of a survey involved humans’s purchases and consumption in coffee and tea in 5 different areas of Australia, in the last 4 weeks.

In conclusion, the percentage of people going to cafe for coffee or tea were almost highest in all 5 cities, excepting for Adelaide. By contrast, there were always the lowest proportions of all residents of 5 regions who bought fresh coffee.

Looking first of all at buying fresh coffee in last 4 weeks, there was an uncommon trend that the highest percentage of this activity stood at under 45% of consumers in Sydney, followed by Melbourne and Hobart, at roughly 42% and 38% respectively. Finally, Brisbane had the same lowest proportion as Adelaide, just under 45%.

It can be obviously seen that people going to cafe for coffee or tea reached a peak of about 63% in both Melbourne and Hobart, whereas there was a slightly smaller figure in Sydney, just only 61%. Next, the lowest percentages of this kind of customers were shown with about 55% in Hobart and 49% in Brisbane.By contrast, of 5 areas in Australia, Hobart had a taller proportion of people purchasing instant coffee, at only 54%, compared with 53% in Brisbane whilst three remaining regions were much smaller, only from 45% in Sydney to under 50% in Adelaide.

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AlpheccaStars · Answer

Please read my advice for Task 1 essays.

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

The bar chart depicts the consequences (wrong word) of a survey involved (wrong form) humans’s (wrong word, wrong form) purchases and consumption in (wrong word) coffee and tea in 5 (Write out small numbers in words if they are not data values.) five different areas (wrong word) of Australia, in the last four 4 weeks. (Incomplete. What were the five "areas"? What was measured on this chart?)

In conclusion, (wrong word. Do not write conclusions in Task 1. ) the percentage of people going to cafe for coffee or tea were almost highest in all five 5 cities, except~~ing~~ for Adelaide. By contrast, ~~there were always~~ the lowest proportions of all residents of 5 regions (wrong word) who bought fresh coffee.

Looking first of all at those who bought ~~buying~~ fresh coffee in last 4 weeks, there was an uncommon trend (wrong usage Trends are a function of time. There is no time dimension here.) that the highest percentage of this activity stood at under 45% of consumers in Sydney, followed by Melbourne and Hobart, at roughly 42% and 38% respectively. Finally, Brisbane had the same ~~lowest~~ proportion as Adelaide, just under 45%.

~~It can be obviously seen that~~ (Do not write opinions in Task 1) people going to cafe for coffee or tea reached a peak (wrong word) of about 63% in both Melbourne and Hobart, whereas there was a slightly smaller figure (wrong word) in Sydney, just only 61%. Next, the lowest percentages ~~of this kind of customers~~ were shown with about 55% in Hobart and 49% in Brisbane.By contrast, of 5 areas (wrong word) in Australia, Hobart had a taller (wrong word) proportion of people purchasing instant coffee, at only 54%, compared with 53% in Brisbane whilst the three remaining regions (wrong word) were much smaller, only from 45% in Sydney to under 50% in Adelaide.

Many of your mistakes are mentioned in my advice posts, so read about them there.

It is often a very bad idea to use synonyms in Task 1 because synonyms never have exactly the same meaning. In Task 1, you have to be objective, accurate and precise. Synonyms rarely conform to those requirements.

For example, Brisbane's population is 2.5 million and the metropolitan region of Brisbane has 3.6 million. If you use "city" interchangeably with "region", the reader is very confused as to who was included in the survey. Did the survey go to 2.5 million people, or a million more than that?

This example essay is too long (270 words; the minimum is 150), but it will give you a range of ideas.

A survey was conducted in five cities in Australia (Adelaide, Brisbane, Hobart, Melbourne, and Sydney) asking residents if they had purchased tea or coffee in the past four weeks. The bar chart plots the proportion of residents in each of the cities who responded positively on each of the three questions: 1) Did you buy fresh coffee? 2) Did you buy instant coffee? and 3) Did you go to a cafe to drink tea or coffee?

The highest percentages in each city were the people who had gone to a cafe. Except for Adelaide, the majority of residents in each city answered that they had done this. In second place were the instant coffee buyers, the city of Adelaide being the exception with slightly less than half.

The cities of Sydney, Hobart and Melbourne had the highest proportions on the chart; more than six of every ten people there had recently enjoyed a cup of tea or coffee in a cafe. On the other extreme, the cities of Brisbane and Adelaide had the lowest percentages. These were the ones who had purchased fresh coffee, a bit over one-third (34%). Generally, people in these five cities bought instant coffee more than fresh coffee, and the gap could be fairly wide. As an example, in Brisbane, the gap was nearly 20%, 52% to 34%. In Adelaide, about half the residents both bought instant coffee (exactly 50%) and frequented a cafe, (49%). That was the smallest difference between three categories in all the cities. And in three of the cities, a half or more had purchased instant coffee; these were Hobart (54%), Brisbane (53%) and Adelaide (50%).

Please help me fix the writing task 1: test 1 of Cambridge 15

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