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Hclpham Posted 5 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Please help me fix the errors, and I do not know whether it is straightforward or not. Thank you!

[Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.]

Many believe that contemporary society develops effectively most depending on how people impact each other, while there is another fact that people have been independent since the science and technology revolution happened. In this essay, two schools of thought will be discussed, followed by my opinion.
On the one hand, it is noteworthy that people are inclining to support mutually by creating beneficial relationships. Recently, the upsurge of the market economy has opened up various opportunities for each company to connect, associate and commit to valuable contracts. Therefore, individuals have considered and paid attention to potential relationships for imminent contracts. Obviously, the connection among firms is uncontroversial due to supply chains. For more specifications, the manufacturing companies are required to sign long-term contracts with subsidizing partners; simultaneously; it is a severe crisis if logistic services enterprises do not engage in supply chains. Hence, it is a reality that people tend to depend on each other more than in previous periods.
On the other hand, it is undeniable that humans prefer to live stably with their estate when it comes to financial possibility, which paves the way for independence. The hectic of life impacts seriously on many generations, especially the younger ones. As a result, the parents endeavour to earn money for their studies while their children desire to work and achieve a good salary in modern society. For instance, according to on-street surveys, many youngers have left their family to live and decide the subsequent life without effects from others since they were 18 or older.
It is an illustration of the fact that most people, in the future, will choose independence instead of supports from parents or relatives.
In short, it is my opinion that each component should realize and grasp opportunities to engage in organizations and make more potential friends. At the same time, it is necessary that living without or restrictedly receiving subsidies from others seems appropriate to achieve a more meaningful life.

  

Top answer

You are right in that it is not straightforward. It is difficult for me to understand your writing. There are many words that are misused, unnatural word order and awkward collocations.

  • You are right in that it is not straightforward.
  • It is difficult for me to understand your writing.
  • There are many words that are misused, unnatural word order and awkward collocations.
  • You did not directly address the task.
  • Here is the question: In which of these societies are people more dependent on each other?
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1 Answers
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You are right in that it is not straightforward. It is difficult for me to understand your writing. There are many words that are misused, unnatural word order and awkward collocations.

You did not directly address the task. Here is the question: In which of these societies are people more dependent on each other?

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