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Minh Anh Nguyễn Posted 5 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Please help me evaluate this essay, thank you!

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or storage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


It is argued that the acceptance behavior of unfavorable situations including unexpected jobs or miserable living conditions, is better; while the other groups, who are with opposite viewpoints, suppose that they should strive to overcome obstacles and quality their lives. From my point of view, I side with those who strive to get higher achievements.


On the one hand, some people choose to accept their fate that they have to undergo unsatisfactory situations. Their solution to such difficulties is simply to go with the flow as they believe that they can learn something new along their journey. For example, there is a student who gets a grade of 8 on his exam. But unfortunately, he should have had a grade of 9 instead, as the teacher mistook it. He chose not to tell his teacher as he wanted to regard it as a motivation to strive to get a grade of 10 next time.


On the other hand, I side with those who believe that they should do their best to move up in their lives. For instance, Thomas Edison, the most prolific American inventor who had come up with many significant inventions, never gave up his mindset and continued effort. It is supposed that nothing is permanent, either do the difficulties. Therefore, I believe that in most cases, the effort to better unfavorable situations would be rewarded.


In conclusion, I do believe that making changes sometimes is a big challenge for us, but compared to the fact that we make up our minds to give up, making efforts to change does bring us favorable conditions to identify our potential and live our lives in a more meaningful way.

  

Top answer

It is argued (Right away, you create a problem for yourself because you compare "other groups with "it") that the acceptance behavio r (unnatural) of unfavorable situations including unexpected jobs or miserable living conditions, is better; while the other groups , (what other groups? ) should strive to overcome obstacles and quality their lives. (Your first sentence is not good.

  • It is argued (Right away, you create a problem for yourself because you compare "other groups with "it") that the acceptance behavio r (unnatural) of unfavorable situations including unexpected jobs or miserable living conditions, is better; while the other groups , (what other groups?
  • ) should strive to overcome obstacles and quality their lives.
  • (Your first sentence is not good.
  • If you compare A to B, they have to have the same form.
  • You need to completely rethink this sentence) From my point of view , (redundant) I side with those who strive to get higher achievements.
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It is argued (Right away, you create a problem for yourself because you compare "other groups with "it") that the acceptance behavior (unnatural) of unfavorable situations including unexpected jobs or miserable living conditions, is better; while the other groups, (what other

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