Please help me evaluate my writing task 1 essay

Question

The line graph compares four countries (The UK, Sweden, Italy, Portugal) of their average carbon dioxide emissions per person over the period of 40 years.
There were significant changes in the average amount of carbon dioxide emitted into the atmosphere by all four countries. The figures for the UK and Sweden decreased over the period shown. In contrast, there were upward trends in the amount of carbon dioxide emitted by Italy and Portugal.
In 1967, the UK accounted for the largest carbon dioxide emission per person at around 11 metric tons. The figure then decreased steadily to under 9 metric tonnes at the end of the period. The amount of carbon dioxide emitted in Sweden was lower in the year 1967 at approximately 8.7 metric tonnes. The figure of Sweden then rose significantly to over 10 metric tonnes in 1977 before falling dramatically to over 5 metric tonnes in the following 30 years.
The carbon dioxide emissions per person in Italy and Portugal were much lower in 1967, at around 1 and 4 metric tonnes respectively. The amount of carbon dioxide emission per person in Italy reached nearly 8 metric tonnes. And the figure for Portugal increased gradually to over 5 at the end of the period.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

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https://www.englishforums.com/English/EssayReportCompositionWriting/Forum9.htm

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AlpheccaStars · Answer

Please read my advice about misused vocabulary words for Task 1.

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

The line graph compares ~~four countries (The UK, Sweden, Italy, Portugal) of their~~ the average carbon dioxide emissions per person (in units of metric tonnes) in four European countries (The UK, Sweden, Italy, Portugal) over the period of 40 years. ( From 1900-1940? or 1890-1930? or 1950-1990? Those are all 40-year periods!)

There were significant changes in the average amount of carbon dioxide emitted into the atmosphere by all four countries. ~~The figures for~~ In the UK and Sweden, it decreased over the period shown. (You have not informed the reader of what 40-year period you are describing.) In contrast, there were upward trends in ~~the amount of carbon dioxide emitted by~~ (You do not need to repeat the phrase. You have already told the reader what is measured.) Italy and Portugal.
In 1967, (Is that the first, middle or last year?) the UK accounted for the largest carbon dioxide emissions per person at around 11 metric tons. The ~~figure~~ (wrong word - the figure is the graph itself) it then decreased steadily to under 9 metric tonnes (5 is under 9, and so is 2 or 7. You need to qualify "under") at the end of the period. The amount of carbon dioxide emitted in Sweden was lower in the year 1967 at approximately 8.7 metric tonnes. ~~The figure of Sweden~~ It then rose significantly to over 10 metric tonnes (16 is over 10, and so is 12 or 17. You need to qualify "over") in 1977 before falling dramatically to over 5 metric tonnes in the following 30 years.
The carbon dioxide emissions per person in Italy and Portugal were much lower (lower than what?) in 1967, at around 1 and 4 metric tonnes respectively. The amount of carbon dioxide emission per person in Italy reached nearly 8 metric tonnes. And ~~the figure for~~ in Portugal it increased gradually to over 5 at the end of the period.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Sample essay:

The line graph compares the average number of metric tonnes of carbon dioxide released annually per person in four European countries (The UK, Sweden, Italy and Portugal) over a 40-year period, 1967 to 2007.

Overall, during the first thirty years, two countries (Portugal and Italy) showed an increase, and the other two (The UK and Sweden) had a decrease. After 1997, emissions in three of the countries went down and they were nearly flat in the fourth, Portugal.

In 1967, the UK had the highest value, at about 10.8 tonnes, followed by Sweden (8.5), Italy (4.1) and Portugal (1.3). This order did not change, except for Sweden. In 2007, the UK still had the highest at 8.7, followed by Italy (7.8), Portugal and Sweden (5.5). The UK emissions were level (about 10.8) for the first ten years followed by a slow decline (about 0.6 tonnes per year) from 1977 to 2007. In contrast, Sweden, Italy and Portugal all had significant increases during the first ten years. But, over 1977-1987 Sweden decreased its per capita emissions by over 30% (10.2 to 7.1), and continued its decline from 1987 to 2007. Portugal had the largest percentage increase (over 350%) over the period, but it still was nearly equal to Sweden in 2007.

Please help me evaluate my writing task 1 essay

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