Please help me evaluate my writing in IELTS WRITING TASK 1

Hello Sir and Ma'am, please help me evaluate my writing in IELTS WRITING TASK 1. Thank you a lot!

Here is my topic: (Source: Cambridge IELTS Practice - Test 1)

The chart below shows the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and the amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

Write at least 150 words

It can be seen from two charts the changes in the percentage of households in one country with electrical appliances and the number of hours they spent doing housework from 1920 to 2019. Overall, there are more and more households that chose to use electrical appliances, which contributed to the reduction in the amount of time they spent on housework.

In the first chart, from 1930 to 1960, all the three appliances saw dramatic growth in the percentage of households. Most remarkably, the percentage in using refrigerators which started at the lowest point of 0% in 1920 shot up to 90% in 1960. After 1960, the ownership of refrigerators and vacuum cleaners continued to rise more gently until reaching their maximum level in 1980 and 2000 respectively and then remained unchanged afterward. Unlike these two, there was a slight decrease in the number of households using washing machines from 1960 to 1980 and its highest point only stayed at about 73%.

With more people using electrical appliances, the amount of time spent on housework, as a result, continuously decreased within the whole period. Unlike the first chart, from 1920 to 1960, the time people spent doing housework. After 1960, it continued to plunge but more steadily.