Please help me correct this writing task 1. Many thanks!!!!

Question

The chart shows the results of surveys in one African country asking teenagers the main reasons for using their phones between 2016 and 2019.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. The pie charts depict the percentage of respondence from surveys conducted in a particular African nation in regard to reasons for phone usage namely social networks, email, digital camera, and phone calls. The data is shown from 2016 to 2019 Overall, the percentage of Social networks accounted for half throughout the period. Whilst, the figures for phone calls seen from 4 charts were ranked as the least. As it can be seen from the charts, between 2016 and 2019, there were overwhelming proportions of Social networks in comparison with other categories, at 50 percent, 48 percent, 51 percent, and a hefty 56 percent respectively. Conversely, for Phone calls, the data occupied the least amount, initiating modestly at 10 percent in 2016, but eventually, there were only one in 20 people using phones for calling. Additionally, there was a quarter of email usage in 2016, nonetheless, the data was less than 6 percent, at 19 percent in 2019. Meanwhile, there was an opposite trend in Digital camera which initially made up 15 percent in 2016, however; the value was 5 percent more, at 20 percent in the last year.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

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Nhựt Quang · Answer

The chart shows the results of surveys in one African country asking teenagers the main reasons for using their phones between 2016 and 2019.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts depict the percentage of respondence from surveys conducted in a particular African nation in regard to reasons for phone usage namely social networks, email, digital camera, and phone calls. The data is shown from 2016 to 2019

Overall, the percentage of Social networks accounted for half throughout the period. Whilst, the figures for phone calls seen from 4 charts were ranked as the least.

As it can be seen from the charts, between 2016 and 2019, there were overwhelming proportions of Social networks in comparison with other categories, at 50 percent, 48 percent, 51 percent, and a hefty 56 percent respectively. Conversely, for Phone calls, the data occupied the least amount, initiating modestly at 10 percent in 2016, but eventually, there were only one in 20 people using phones for calling.

Additionally, there was a quarter of email usage in 2016, nonetheless, the data was less than 6 percent, at 19 percent in 2019. Meanwhile, there was an opposite trend in Digital camera which initially made up 15 percent in 2016, however; the value was 5 percent more, at 20 percent in the last year.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

The (how many?) pie charts depict the percentage of ~~respondenc~~e (Respondents, participants) from surveys conducted in a particular African nation in regard to reasons for phone usage (That is not accurate) namely social networks, email, digital camera, and phone calls. The data is shown from 2016 to 2019 (missing end punctuation. Also, this phrase is for line graphs with continuous data. You have no continuous data, only four data points..)

Overall, the percentage of Social networks (wrong phrase. The basis is not "social networks") accounted for half ~~throughout the period.~~ Whilst, the figures (wrong word) for phone calls seen from 4 charts were ranked (there is no ranking.) as the least.

~~As it can be seen from the charts,~~ (Delete. That is useless verbiage, a waste of words. There is nothing about the data.) between 2016 and 2019, there were overwhelming proportions of Social networks (wrong expression) in comparison with other categories, at 50 percent, 48 percent, 51 percent, and a ~~hefty~~ 56 percent respectively. Conversely, for Phone (not a proper noun) calls, the data occupied (unnatural expression) the least amount, initiating modestly at 10 percent in 2016, but eventually, there were only one in 20 people using phones for calling. (That is incorrect. You did not understand the survey. All the participants - 100% used their phones for calling.)

Additionally, there was a quarter of email usage (wrong expression) in 2016, nonetheless, the ~~data~~ percentage was less than 6 percent, at 19 percent in 2019. Meanwhile, there was an opposite trend in Digital camera (not a proper noun) which ~~initially~~ made up 15 percent in 2016, however; the value was 5 percent more, at 20 percent in the last year.

When you write "percentage of X", the X represents the whole, or everything.

You did not understand these pie charts. The whole pie in these charts represents all of the participants in the surveys.

For example, in 2016, exactly half of the survey participants said that social networking was the main use of their phone. They did not say that social networking was the only thing they used their phones for.

It is wrong to write "proportion of social networks: or "percentage of social networks". It is wrong to write "a quarter of email usage" because the "whole pie is not all the email usage.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Here is a sample essay for you to study.

The pie charts show the results of four surveys of African teens in one country concerning the primary way they use their mobile phones. Surveys were done annually between 2016 and 2019, and participants could choose from these four categories: social networking, email, phone calls and taking photos.

Overall, about three-quarters mainly used their phones for either social networking or email. And the majority of participants selected social networking, except in 2017, when it was slightly less. Making phone calls was consistently the least chosen option.

In detail, taking photos became more popular over the period covered, gradually rising from 15%, or third place, in 2016 to 20%, second place, in 2019. Making phone calls had the reverse trend, declining from one in ten in 2016 to one in twenty in 2019, and it consistently was the least-chosen option. Exchanging emails also dropped marginally from a quarter to 19%. The most frequently picked category was social networking, ranging from a low of 48% in 2017 to its maximum of 56% in 2019.

Here is a second one

The four pie charts, labeled each year from 2016 through 2019, break down the primary usage of mobile phones as reported by teenagers in an African country. Each could pick one of four categories: social networking, email, phone calls and taking photos.

Overall, social networking was the most-used smart phone feature among these teenagers, being favored more than twice as much as the second place option, emailing. Digital photography and phone calls were chosen the least.

In detail, the proportion picking social networking was half or more in all four years, except for 2017, where it was 48%. In second place, emailing, the percentages ranged from a high of 25% in 2016, with slight decreases each year to end at 19% in 2019. The sum of the two categories, photography and phone calls, ranged from 25-29%; however, the increase in photography was offset by a decrease in phone calls. In the last year, four times more participants picked photography than those who selected phone calls, 20% versus 5%.

Please help me correct this writing task 1. Many thanks!!!!

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