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Huynguyen158 Posted 10 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Please help me correct this IELTS writing!
Hi teachers,
Could you please help me correct this writing? Thank you very much!
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The tables show data on the revenues from Fairtrade-labelled coffee and bananas in 5 countries in Europe in 1999 and 2004.
Overall, the sales of coffee and bananas increased over the period of 5 years in all countries selected, except for Sweden and Denmark, which had a decline in Bananas’ sales in 2004.
Switzerland was the country that had the highest revenue from coffee’s sales in 1999, at €3 million, tripling Belgium’s figure in the same year, which was €1 million. By contrast, Sweden had the lowest sales of coffee in 1999, at €0.8 million, while the figures for the UK and Belgium were €1.5 million and €1.8 million, respectively. In 2004, the UK surpassed Switzerland as the most profitable country in the sale of coffee, at €20 million, while Switzerland only doubled its sales, at €6 million. Meanwhile, Sweden and Denmark had a slight increase €0.2 million before reaching their revenues at €2 million and 1€million, respectively. Also, Sweden continued having the lowest sales while the figure for Belgium in 2004 was €1.7 million.
In terms of bananas’ sales, Sweden and Denmark experienced a decrease of nearly €1 million over the 5 years period, from €1.8 million and €2 million to €1 million and €0.9 million, respectively, which made Denmark became the least profitable country in 2004. By contrast, Belgium saw a dramatic rise in its sales, from €0.6 million in 1999 to €4 million in 2004 while Switzerland had the highest profits in both years, which were €15 million and 47 million. The figures for the UK was €1 million in 199 and up by €5.5 million in 2004.
Could you please help me correct this writing? Thank you very much!
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The tables show data on the revenues from Fairtrade-labelled coffee and bananas in 5 countries in Europe in 1999 and 2004.
Overall, the sales of coffee and bananas increased over the period of 5 years in all countries selected, except for Sweden and Denmark, which had a decline in Bananas’ sales in 2004.
Switzerland was the country that had the highest revenue from coffee’s sales in 1999, at €3 million, tripling Belgium’s figure in the same year, which was €1 million. By contrast, Sweden had the lowest sales of coffee in 1999, at €0.8 million, while the figures for the UK and Belgium were €1.5 million and €1.8 million, respectively. In 2004, the UK surpassed Switzerland as the most profitable country in the sale of coffee, at €20 million, while Switzerland only doubled its sales, at €6 million. Meanwhile, Sweden and Denmark had a slight increase €0.2 million before reaching their revenues at €2 million and 1€million, respectively. Also, Sweden continued having the lowest sales while the figure for Belgium in 2004 was €1.7 million.
In terms of bananas’ sales, Sweden and Denmark experienced a decrease of nearly €1 million over the 5 years period, from €1.8 million and €2 million to €1 million and €0.9 million, respectively, which made Denmark became the least profitable country in 2004. By contrast, Belgium saw a dramatic rise in its sales, from €0.6 million in 1999 to €4 million in 2004 while Switzerland had the highest profits in both years, which were €15 million and 47 million. The figures for the UK was €1 million in 199 and up by €5.5 million in 2004.
Top answer
The tables show sales figures data on the revenues from for Fairtrade-labelled coffee and bananas in 5 countries in Europe in 1999 and 2004. Overall, the sales of coffee and bananas increased over the period of 5 years in all countries concerned, selected, except for Sweden and Denmark, which had saw a decline in Bana na sales in 2004. Switzerland was the country that had the highest revenue from coff ee sales in 1999, at €3 millio n.
- The tables show sales figures data on the revenues from for Fairtrade-labelled coffee and bananas in 5 countries in Europe in 1999 and 2004.
- Overall, the sales of coffee and bananas increased over the period of 5 years in all countries concerned, selected, except for Sweden and Denmark, which had saw a decline in Bana na sales in 2004.
- Switzerland was the country that had the highest revenue from coff ee sales in 1999, at €3 millio n.
- That was trip le ing Belgium’s figure in the same year, which was €1 million.
- 8 million, respectively.
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3 Answers
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The tables show sales figures data on the revenues from for Fairtrade-labelled coffee and bananas in 5 countries in Europe in 1999 and 2004.
Overall, the sales of coffee and bananas increased over the period of 5 years in all countries concerned,selected, except for Sweden and Denmark, which had saw a decline in Banana s
Overall, the sales of coffee and bananas increased over the period of 5 years in all countries concerned,
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Hi teechr,
I hope you're doing great!
I'm still confused about some of your corrections. Could you please explain them to me? Thank you very much!
I hope you're doing great!
I'm still confused about some of your corrections. Could you please explain them to me? Thank you very much!
The tables show sales figuresI wonder why I can't use "data"? I guess "data" is only used fordata on the revenues fromfor Fairtrade-labelled coffee and bananas in 5 countries in Europe in 1999 and 2004.
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huynguyen158I wonder why I can't use "data"? I guess "data" is only used for computers or electronic devices, am I right?I changed it because "data on the revenues from" sounded general and indirect to me.
huynguyen158Why can't I use "had a decline" here? I still see many newspapers using "have a decline", e.g."Saw a decli
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