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Duc Nguyen Posted 8 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Please help me correct this essay ( IELTS writing task 2). thanks a lot

Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources or artists should not be funded. Discuss both view and give your own opinion.

Many people believe that brilliant people belong to the general public, such as painter and composer should be provided a part of the money to work effectively. While the opponents of this idea think that some skillful artists should be supported in other methods, I would argue that it is unnecessary to extract a proportion of governments budget for the artists’ creativity.


On the one hand, it is beneficial for social benefits if great talents have a strong financial foundation for their jobs. The main reason is that many of person skilled in creative activities have to live in a standard-conditions, others even living in poverty. They do not make much money compared to singers, actors, and models. If most creators are not tackled their problems and raised living standards, they would not focus entirely on the initiative. Therefore, the quality of their products would not reach the highest level. They might give up their occupation to find for another that could guarantee a better life for them. In addition, when the genius brains are taken off from the financial burden, they would have a completely comfortable to creative and up-to-date in their brainchild. For example, if artists do not get a trouble with the money matters, they would work very careful in order to create innovative breakthrough products to devotion to public service.


On the other hand, I agree with those who argue that the supporting from governments is totally inessential, and it does not have much effect on the artists’ creativeness. One reason is that lacking money is not a serious problem for recent artists because a true talent always how to overcome the financial distress by diversity in their fields. For instance, Bruno Legend and Charlie Purth are typical cases simply because they are very flexible by learning musical instruments and composing instead of just singing; as a result, they pass difficult situations and make more money than others. Furthermore, facing with difficulties will be the effort to motivate their own becoming stronger. Jack Rowling is an example, she released the Harry Potter when she was in an extremely hopeless. After that, she is known widely as a famous novelist in the world. Another reason is that governments have to spend on other things such as education, disaster recovery, helping the poor. For example, almost the budget of governments would be spent on the socials issues and military so that the financial support for artists should come from other sources. One of these sources should be taken from prizes and charity of the rich.


In conclusion, although using the public funds to support the artists’ inventive can certainly help them to work more productively, it seems to me that the main support should be better from other sources sponsorship.

  

Top answer

You have some good ideas there, but that essay needs some work. Try to focus on substance instead of on writing unnecessarily complicated sentences to impress the examiner. PM me if you have any questions.

  • You have some good ideas there, but that essay needs some work.
  • Try to focus on substance instead of on writing unnecessarily complicated sentences to impress the examiner.
  • PM me if you have any questions.
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You have some good ideas there, but that essay needs some work. Try to focus on substance instead of on writing unnecessarily complicated sentences to impress the examiner. PM me if you have any questions.

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