Please help me correct this essay (ielts writing task 2)

In recent years, people in many countries have been able to afford more material possessions such as electronic kitchen appliances, computers and vehicles.

Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this increased level of affluence, and give your opinion about whether this is a positive or negative development.

My essay:

As a matter of fact, personal spending on consumer items such as cars, microwaves and computers has greatly increased. There are both benefits and drawbacks to this growth. From a personal vantage point, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

On the one hand, it is no exaggeration to say that a rise in consumption offers a host of benefits. The possession of modern commodities such as family cars or private computers is a boon of most people, as it widens the scope of their personal freedom and employment opportunities due to the ability to drive to places which are further away in search of work. Furthermore, to the most parts, the majority of these goods can be considered the status symbols of people’s economic success and they always strive to afford them. In terms of society, the development of manufacturing industry has been ensued from a rise in purchasing power on the grounds that it provides more jobs and contributes to a cycle of increased prosperity for everyone in the community.

On the other hand, this pattern of worldwide consumer growth can also brings some negative repercussions. It is no doubt that individuals are squandering a lot of natural resources on these kinds of products. More importantly, increased consumer spending can lead to deterioration of the environment. To illustrate, the use of cars contributes to greenhouse gas emissions from exhaust fumes, what’s more, a large number of cars may provide rising levels of traffic density. It has become quite element that dire consequences of global warming such as unprecedented climate, sea levels rise will severely impact on human life.

All in all, although purchasing more appliances is detrimental environment, the advantages of personal benefits and economic prosperity should be underscored.