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Doan Mai Anh Posted 6 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Please help me correct this essay and let me know which band of Ielts I may get. Thanks in advance.

The given bar chart compares the proportion of females and males in various age groups who worked out on a regular basis in Australia in 2010.

As can be seen from the graph, it is clearly evident that generally, women did exercises harder than men in that year. While the percentage of group aging from 45 to 54 held the lion’s share of female participants in physical activity, the largest figure for males was recorded in 15 to 24 age group.

In the year 2010, regarding the group of 15 to 24-year-old Australians, around 53% of men did workout, 5% higher than that of women. When people reached 38 to 44 years old, the former decreased significantly to 39,5% of the aggregate, registered the lowest among six age brackets, whereas the later was on the rise to 52.5%.

With regard to older groups, the percentage of females taking up workout continued rising slightly to 53,3 % of the total in 45 to 54 age group before dropping by 6,2 % when people aged from 65. A striking feature is that the proportion of the enrollment of two genders at the age 65 and over was nearly equal, at roughly 47% each.


  
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