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Jennie2612 Posted 6 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

PLEASE HELP ME CORRECT THIS ESSAY AND GIVE ME FEEDBACK SO I CAN IMPROVE MY WRITING SKILL.THANKS A LOT

In recent years, galvanizing more people to attend vocational courses has been in the limelight of the public. While nobody can deny the necessity of academic knowledge, I thoroughly agree that we should stimulate more people to follow vocational training such as electrician, plumbers and other trades.

There are a handful of reasons why more skilled workers must be trained. First, since qualified workers such as electricians, plumbers and constructors are vital for building landmarks or upgrading infrastructure, we should convince people to attend more practical training. In fact, only trained workers can ensure the safe construction of public buildings such as hospital, schools or museum. Second, if people solely concentrated on academic courses, the labor network would be imbalanced, resulting in graduate unemployment. For example, many top-ranked countries, particularly The United State, Australia, Canada, England, have imported trained workers from developing countries to meet the society’s need as local people tend to do office jobs and follow researching study.

Besides, there are some measures must be considered to make everyone involve in vocational courses. The first step, in order to help students acquire hands-on skills, schools need to organize a variety of workshops or competitions about hands-on works. This means that students can apply the theory of physics lessons to practical applications before graduation, which boosts their work efficiency and productivity later on. The second solution, parents should entice their children to choose vocational careers by explaining the good employment prospects and remuneration for workers that are trained.

In conclusion, with these convincing arguments, I advocate for inducing more people to attend vocational training because a society cannot function effectively without qualified employees.

  

Top answer

You omitted the topic: Topic: Many people go to university for academic study. More people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. To what exten d (wrong form) do you agree or disagree?

  • You omitted the topic: Topic: Many people go to university for academic study.
  • More people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers.
  • To what exten d (wrong form) do you agree or disagree?
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2 Answers
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You omitted the topic:

Topic: Many people go to university for academic study. More people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. To what extend (wrong form) do you agree or disagree?

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In recent years, galvanizing more people to attend vocational courses has been in the limelight of the public.

(There was nothing in the essay topic that indicated this was a topic of much public scrutiny. Do not exaggerate or write things that are not factually true. Write from your own experience.

For example:

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